I got up pretty late today and decided I would have some lamb chops on the Bbq for lunch. And because everybody likes lamp chops I invited my family over (parents, brother etc.). I called my H to see how things are with the kids and said he could bring them earlier if he wanted and he could stay as well for lunch. He said he had an upset stomach and didn't know if he would stay to eat but that he would bring the kids for lunch.
Well, he came and stayed and we had lunch all together. My gas Bbq grill run out of gas (first time I used it since he left) and had to continue with electric grill and oven. He offered to go get a replacement for the Bbq (don't know how you guys call it) and I accepted gracefully because it's heavy and couldn't do it on my own. Wasn't successful, all places were closed. He was worried how I would carry it full on my own...
Lunch went fine although my parents felt awkward since they don't understand these kind of things- too modern for their traditional ways being separated and "friends". Of course I didn't give them a choice and I've been upbeat sendinig messages towards all that I am Ok with this and I want to them to be Ok with it as well. H felt awkard too. But he seemed releived to be able to be here again and everybody accepting him. I considered this a "testing of waters" for him and it went OK. Since he is afraid of coming back, I will make sure all of his worries will be gone one by one...
My brother and his wife who are very supportive told me the same thing. They were really upbeat and friendly with him and said the felt him being embarassed only in the beginning.
He left and I gave him food and chocolate cake for him and his friend at work that always liked my cooking. When I said for whome the cake was he smiled and looked like he liked my thought. (he LL is acts of services for him and his family and friends)
On his way out I said "we'll talk tomorrow?" and he replied : "of course! if I make it on time at the airport I'll give you a call".
While cooking and getting the table ready, I touched him a couple of times, His back, brushed off his chest while passing by, not sexually, just breaking the ice of "touch". I don't know if he noticed, I was pretty cool and subtle about it.
This is very clever of you Kalni! So clever. Its great that he relaxed as the lunch went on. You reminded me that I wanted to make it ok for my BF too...my Dad was VERY angry at him over all this, but now he has depression, my Dad wants me to tell him to call anytime if he wants to talk and he will try and help him, like a father. I know my BF wont call, but it could make him see that he is still accepted. So thanks, I will try and broach this with him! And I think you were right to invite him and hopefully he also enjoyed being back in the bosom of your family?? It must have been nice for your children too? Was he still withdrawn, cool with you?
I think you are coping so well with "uncertainty" and holding your family together whilst he is still frozen to the spot. Things arent set to change until the beginning of April and end of April and then May I believe. I'm going to do some reading on this!
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
he wasn't withdrawn, he felt awkward with everybody being here. But I made it clear, nobody has a saying but me over this. I put music on, was singing along, making jokes... And my H knew excatly what I was "saying", I hope. My kids were ok. They feel this as "the normal thing".
Yeah, I don't think anything will change for us before April. My goal (secret one) would be to have Easter together as family. So, I better get to work on this goal. With my job being so hectic the last couple of weeks I haven't been DBing very well. I haven't been very concetrated. Hopefully this week will better although he will be away for most part of it.
Kalni, It sounds like your day went very well. You acted as if and soon your H felt comfortable with your family. Keep up the positive PMA and the great DBing!!!
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
K- you are AMAZING! It sounds like the day went brilliantly today and you did a fantastic job of helping H feel accepted and part of the family. I love the subtle brushing of him aswell- you'll have to post lessons on that!
L.xx
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
