I'm curious, why do you both text message each other so much when you're out, but largely ignore each other when you're both around? I think the text messages are some source of control/comfort for him, and I think therein lies your best leverage point. Were you to simply stop responding to them, other than the occasional courtesy responses (example: let him know you're safely somewhere, IF he has asked you to do so), I think it would go a very long way.
