I did confront it. Actually I wrote a note for him to read as he walked in. And when he joined me in the living room I just sat there. Unlike our usually discussions I just sat and waited for him to begin. What seemed like an hour he just stood there and looked at me. His only initial comment was "What do you want me to say", I told him it was in the note. Which he admitted not to read all of because he wanted to talk to me. I am not sure how it went.
I do know: he is sorry he doesn't want to hurt me he feels R with OW is professional he wants to stay with me he feels there is no passion or desire in our M he is unhappy
I am having a really hard time believing that I am not the sole cause of this unhappiness. Nothing I have done (DB for 2 1/2m) has helped him feel anything for me. Yes there are some baby steps - we giving each other more attention, he is trying to make me feel reassured (phone calls, snuggles, hugs).
It makes me so angry that H again lies and sneaks behind my back. Though I also believe that OW is not who he wants to be with. According to him he just needed a friend to talk to . I am an extremely understanding and fair person. If he needs a friend fine, but why must that friendship be so secret. I told him that if she was really just a friend he would call her on the phone like any other friend.
Quote: was that an ultimatum from you or do you feel like that was a mutual agreement?
When I think back I guess OW leaving her job was an ultimatim which H agreed to. I may have goofed big time, but when I discovered H sent message (before I found her message to him) I called her to let her know her job was on the line. She actually talked to me, telling me she does not intend to come between my R with H. I told I want honesty and to tell me if H had sent her a message. She denied any message. Later I discover her message to H. I phoned her back and on her voice messsage told her all I asked for was honesty she couldn't give me that and yes she would not be able to work with H any longer. I guess I do not have the right to fire an employee of my H business. My goal right now is contiue to improve M.
But I feel it is such a farce for H to say he is working on our M while having some type of R with OW, no matter how innocent.
I asked H if we are working on M to see if it gets better and then decide if we stay together OR are we working on M to find a way for H to be happy and keep working until we find a way to keep our family together. I feel as though H is working toward first option and I am working toward second.
Sage I think you are right I am going to take a break from this. I realize that I do not influence H decisions about OW and he will find a way to remain her friend if that is really what he wants. The only thing that worries me now is that I feel myself pulling away from H and beginning not to care what happens.
