Thanks Edge and Sandi. I do not plan on giving up anytime soon. I am just going to change the approach that I have been doing that hasn't worked thus far. Yes I believe that my W has freedom that she has never felt before and is enjoying it to a certain extent.
I have recently started working out again, I need to drop a few pounds and feel better about myself. I did lose about 20 pounds when we first seperated but I have put about 10 back on. This will also help to relieve some unwanted stress.
I have no plans on hitting the bar scene, that is not my style and I know it will only be asking for trouble for myself if I have any hope of saving R.
Do you ever feel like you are being put on a test to see if you pass or fail it? I can't help but to feel this way at times. Some days are better than others, some days my W is much nicer and easier going than others, some days you feel like there really is a chance that the M can be saved and other days you just believe its all a put on.
I can't help but to feel used at times, we agreed to sell our house when we first seperated, that has been 4 months ago and W won't commit to selling it or keeping it. I am paying the mortgage which is a substantial amount every month. This is where the used part comes in, I feel like I am only a paycheck. At times I feel that she is trying to hold on to the house because she has plans on saving our R and other times I feel that she is just using me to pay the mortgage. It drives me crazy not knowing.
I don't know what the future holds. I can not get her to MC as she doesn't feel that will teach her anything that she doesn't already know, we did go to one about 2 months after the seperation and she says she didn't get anything from it. She has had some tough walls built up around her, I felt that some of those walls were starting to drop but then I feel they may be rebuilding.
I really feel one of my biggest battles to win her back right now is that she made a comment to me about a month ago during one of my pleads to her that she didn't think her mother could ever forgive me. Her mother and I were really close but once my wife told her about our fight we had I guess she feels her daughter is better off without me. My wife is one that aims to please others, especially her mother and "me at one time," which leads me to believe I am fighting a no win battle as if she feels that her mother will not approve of our R then I am doomed.
