Affair is over and WW is responding

[Hope4us]

Ok DMB, I'll make a deal with ya. I won't blow my WW off yet if you won't.

This is just so hard. Last night I was in the basement (again) and DS15 came down and asked me if I was going to MIL's tomorrow (today)? I said to him that I didn't know, WW hasn't said a word to me about it (even though I knew they were going). I then asked if this was him asking if I was going or was it WW? DS15 says, I was just asking, I don't know about mom. So I told him that because his mom hadn't said anything to me about going that I told the Supervisor that works for me that I would be on call for him Sat night and Sun so he could go to dinner at his parents house about 1.5 hours away (in my office, either the Supv or myself has to be within half an hour of work at all time).

I began working with a pro-marriage counselor soon after D-day. He's called everything that WW will do and say EXACTLY since this started. And told he me back in Jan (when I was asking why we weren't making any progress when OM dumped her in early Dec)that we would never begin to make any progress unitl WW thinks the affair is over in HER mind. He then said it would be 3-4 weeks of severe withdrawal, (if she's like most people) but that severe WD could last as much as 2 months, and after that time I would begin to see progress. After that it would be another 3-5 months of her completing the de-fogging process.

So here I am, 7 weeks after the affair ended in her mind (I'm 99% sure due to the STD exposure to OM) and WW has been responding to me little by little. 3 days last week were like having my WIFE back, but then the backslide. My counselor told me these would happen and to just get through them. So WHY when she backslides (and there have been a number of them the last 7 weeks) do I get so discouraged when I KNOW this is a normal part of the process? I guess I'm not doing a very good job of detaching and having no expectations. I need to do better at both of those, but it is just so hard to keep taking the punches and getting up when in reality she should be the one busting her a** saving this marriage.

I talked to my friend Deb yesterday and she's convinced that I'm right about WW just having a really bad trigger from driving to get DS19 and I just need to stay out of the way while she deals with it. Deb said in her sitch when she'd have those triggers she was REALLY mad at OM and herself but her hubby and kids caught the brunt of it because they were there. She said WW will begin to come back around soon (and she may be right, WW did respond to me a little yesterday) and that as WW deals with this she will begin to come to the realization that I'm the one that stood by her while OM cut and ran, but it just doesn't happen overnight.

So I'm going to take her advise and that of my counselor and just give her the time and space she needs to work through this. Easier said than done .