I have made my list of things and actions which I will give total trust to. It was helpful to write it down, some times reading goals makes them more real.
I have realized one barrier that is keeping me from giving total trust to H although. It was easy to look at our almost 11y M and see how we drifted and why H had e/a. It is harder to make changes and move from past. H says in order for us to get to a better place in R, I need to trust again. Doing so makes me feel so vulnerable. It has click with me that H didn't trust me enough to share his unhappiness for 5y. He doesn't trust me enough to open up and share is fears and feelings. He is unable to make himself vulnerable. I wish we could hold hands and make the leap into vulnerability together. But I fear I will need to be the first to make the step.
However, I think for a while I will just continue on doing things for me.
