Once again she doesn't have money for groceries so she asks me if we have money in the 'house account' which of course is where I put money and pay the other bills. I don't have very much in my account right now either and I ask her if she is getting paid this week.
She says not much, she didn't work as much, etc, etc, etc..
I tell her we have an electric bill that has to be paid this week or else. She starts to panic, cries a little, then says "I guess we can't get any groceries then" and goes on...
I finally interrupt her and say 'If I could finish my comments, we can pay the bill after YOU get paid and use the money in the account NOW for groceries'. So she calms down and realizes it's not the end of the world today. She's off buying groceries.
Sometimes I just want to jump all over her, and say "Gee, what did you think was going to happen when you decided you were 'done'? Frank would just magically become UN-depressed and save the day? Money would manifest itself? Frank would become the most productive person in the world????"
Uh, no. Instead, I STRUGGLE every day just to not curl up into a ball and die. At least I'm getting HELP. I hope it's not too late.
I just want to tell her this. Tell her that she waited till I was at my rock bottom and then took me off at the kneecaps. And by doing so she put us at greater risk of financial ruin.
Stupid. Immature. Selfish.
I will be so glad when the anxiety goes away. I hope the Lexapro works sooner.
Frank, the lexapro does not eliminate the feelings, only makes them easier to handle.
Do what you had planned for your kids, actually it is just fine if they get two baskets. They will know that you both love them very much. As far as the brunch goes, if you are going to be home, be engaged in it. Do not allow her to segregate you in your own home, that would have horrible impact on your kids. She could always take them out for brunch if she wants them to herself.
Stay strong Frank, your doing better than you think you are.
So, tonight her friend from the church, an old guy who kinda looks like Santa Claus, calls her up because he thinks she's at the other house and might be bored. His W died a year ago and he's been having a hard time so she and others have been being his friend.
Anyway, he invites her out to a comedy club so she's waiting for him to pick her up. She said it 'beats staying home and being bored'.
Well, I guess it does. She doesn't want to talk to me or hang out with me. Mostly I get vacant conversations anyway.
Well, I was pleasant but I think some of my anxiety was leaking through. Oh well.
Well, he's been her friend since last year. And he's in his 60's and kinda looks like Santa Claus. But, I suppose it could be considered a 'date'. I'm not concerned about it.
I'm with Sara. I think a boundary is being crossed. Just because you don't think W is interested in Santa, doesn't mean Santa isn't interested in W. It seems to me that W has had a problem discerning the meaning of attention from men in her previous "friendships".
More importantly, I think this is all a little too "in your face"" and probably sends a very confusing message to your daughters. They are vulnerable right now and don't need to deal with new complications. Mom going out with a "friend" of the opposite sex, considering what is happening in your marriage, is not a good idea right now. How convenient to call him a friend from church. Does that make it right? The other guys who floated in and out of W's life started out as harmless acquaintances,true? Perhaps the boundary needs to be redefined , spelled out so to speak, as to no socializing with people of the opposite sex while you two are still living together. And since I'm on a roll, how about throwing in there, "No sleepovers with annoying friends in what is still both of your house."
Have a great Easter, Frank. Remember what it symbolizes. Resurrection. A new life. A new beginning.
Peace,
Spitfire
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
