She may have just reached the "breaking point". By that I mean that she wants to be free to be her own boss to live her life as she wants to without somebody else in control of her.
Just keep posting and telling us all that you can from day to day. Read the DR book and follow it all the way. Work on yourself while you give her space and more freedome. Back away from her and focus on you and what you need to do to change for the better. Become the man she fell in love with. Go to the gym and work out. It helps get rid of a lot of frustration, plus it is good for your health and builds a sexy looking body. Take long walks to think clearly about your future and what goals you need to set. Get a life! Get out of the house and become a little more mysterious about yourself. Don't lie or mess around with other women.....just go out, drive around, go to the mall, buy new and different style clothes. Maybe you need a new male make-over. New hair syle, grow a beard...or shave it off...whatever. Something new. Get a professional to help you decide the best look for you. Get on a healthy diet. Get plenty of sleep. You don't want to look bad....you want to look good enough for her to want to gobble you up (lol). Wear good smelling men's cologne (no cheap stuff)......you would be shocked to know how that works on us women! Wear it everytime you start to go out and be sure you are wearing it when you know she will see you and how good you look and how wonderful you smell. If she asks what you are up to or where you are going.....don't lie, just tell her you want to get out a while. Do you like to bowl or some sports or hobby? In other words, stay busy! Have a life that does not include her. But, if she acts as though she would like to go along with you.....then you have the option of taking her or not. That is up to you.
I strongly suggest that you do not flirt with other women. I believe when men go to bars, they are asking for trouble. It looks as though you are going there to find sex with another woman. That will not help your marriage at all. Don't try to make her jealous b/c it will backfire. But you can do very innocent things as I have suggested and she can't get mad about that or accuse you of wrong doing. If you get dolled up to go out and get an ice cream cone......so what? Makes her wonder, doesn't it...lol. You can always invite her along,too. These things may sound silly to you (being a man and all that), but it works! You want to get her attention by changing not only your ways, but in how you look. Maybe you don't see anything wrong with how you look.....maybe you look like Brad Pitt.....If so, that's great, but most people could use a little sprucing up in reality, so it would get her visual attention and then she would start noticing the other changes.
When people have been married a long time, you go through a lot of changes and stages. You have to work hard at getting through these changes as they come. We all probably develop some bad habits over the years and get set in our ways and it is really hard to overcome that. Why not set some goals to work on for yourself. For instance, your number one goal should be to not be manipulative or controlling. You have to break it down into small goals that you can work on every day.
I hope you will have a chance to be a part of the kids' life. That is important and it will be a "lifeline" to your W. It will give you more opportunities for her to see you and the changes you have made. Plus, you need to pour your affection and attention on those kids. They are going to need it now more than ever before.
Even when a couple have S, it is not too late! She will see you and your changes. She will hear about it too. I hope that the S will be short termed. I know how it is to be in a MR that sucks. Just to run away to have freedome seems like a wonderful fantasy. Maybe it will do her good and you will have that time to make things better between the two of you. I think from what you said that you will have to prove to her that your changes are for life.....not just a game to win her back.
It's late and I need to go to bed. I want to talk to you more. If I can do anything to help, I want to be here for you. Please don't give up, okay?
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
