Quote: I get angry sometimes that I have to be the one to give this trust, since I was the one betrayed and hurt. Why do I need to give anything? Even though H has written notes I have asked for, calls me from work, comes home early at times and is trying to make me feel better, he has yet to show me he is truely working on the R and not just appeasing my feelings.
Ummm...forgive me bumbling, but isn't he trying by doing those things you mentioned? What's the difference between "truly" trying and "appeasing" your feelings? I think I know what you mean, but realize that he is trying. After I found out about my W's EA/PA, she was doing stuff for me, but she wasn't doing these things with "conviction." Is this what you mean?
I believe it simply takes time for our Ses to come around because they are still wrapped up in the aftermath of their A. As we give them space, ease the tension, they are able to come around...slowly, day-by-day. I think this is the hardest point of DBing ever...when our S finally decides to stay, but we have to deal with the A without going off the deep end because they are unable to give us what we need at this point. I was right where you are a couple of months (or so) ago...so I understand where you're coming from.
Quote: Does anyone ever feel like their head is above water, but so tired from treading water?
Yes...often. I have gone on my own rollercoaster ride separate from my W. My feelings vacillate between not knowing if I can handle being with her after what she's done, to having an inner peace and understanding that she made a mistake that I don't think she'll make again. To get off of the rollercoaster ride, to back off a little, not analyze so much, and to chill out, I have decided to coast for a while. I have found that I've put a lot of pressure on myself to DB to perfection when the intensity of DBing is not as necessary anymore. Oddly enough, my W perceives this "intensity" as pressure. So, I've eased the burden on both of us by easing up in general.
Jeez...this post sounds a lot like me me me... I'm just trying to draw a parallel. In any case, my suggestion is to back off a little, bumbling, do something for yourself, and detach from the situation a bit. I know it's hard, but I think it might help, and you need to recharge those batteries.
