"The Waiting is the Hardest Part" Tom Petty

[sleeper]

My last thread locked. It's really weird how they lock just as a change is happening in our sitch. Has anyone else experienced this?

Seems like W and I have had more contact in the last couple of weeks than in the last 3 months She texted me multiple times today when I was unable to respond. Finally she texted, "Is anyone out there?"

She says she is depressed and has identified the reason.

She genuinely cares about how I am doing (took kids early because I was stressed).

She asked if I had a date tonight, asked who a wrapped gift on my table was for when she came by. Unfortunately it was for her (Easter). I had actually decided not to give it to her but she saw it. Now I wish I hadn't. doh!

I am really stressed out, have scheduled a massage for Thursday (earliest appt. I could get with preferred therapist).

I really don't know what to do at this stage. Try to move closer, back away, sit still?

[snowmm]

When I don't know what to do I sit still.

[inmyplace]

Let her come to you. Do not move closer.

IMP

[Purr]

Hi Sleeper,

Hang tight...maybe sit with this for a day and see how you are feeling about it?

Always tricky to find a balance on walking that line of engagement.

Keep posting,

Purr

[sleeper]

Thanks snowmm, inmyplace, Purr,

I awoke with the thought that It's too late, it's been too long of a seperation, 15 months (sounds short, feels long). Early on she said she missed me, missed having a family (but at the same time she was choosing her party life over time with the kids and had chosen another man over me).

Now I believe she cares about me, but doesn't miss me anymore. She doesn't want me, but doesn't want another woman to have me either (it's been this way all along). I basing this in part on my own feelings. The thought of her with OM doesn't bother me anymore and we've been apart so long I don't miss her the way I did in the beginning. I have my own life now. She must be in a similar place.

In some ways I think she is still confused. I think now I am too.

I know I am emotional lately. I'm sure that is partly due to my stressed out state.

[forward]

Sleeper, I would just not give her the gift. Don't buy gifts!! You've GOT to back off. IMP is right; let her come to you.

I'm right where you are. I have my own life. I care less and less about what H is doing and when he comes over, I make myself scarce.

Your W's jealousy is indicative that she is not done w/you. You're her backup plan right now and if you cater to that, that's how she will treat you. You need to show her that you're going to live your own life.

[sleeper]

Breton,

You're right. The "gift" was a framed picture of our children I took at an Easter egg hunt. I didn't think of it as a real gift.

She's very sensitive to me being "mad" at her. She thinks I am when I don't return calls or respond to texts.

I don't think I'm pressuring her but I probably am too much "there" for her. It's a fine line in my original strategy to be "the better man." I think I've proven that. She even laughs at my jokes about OM and hasn't told me what a wonderful guy he is in a long, long time. I think the gold plating has finally worn off of that POS.

I'm thinking about leaving town for a few days this week. I'm really struggling with my sex drive. It's only been 18 months and Spring is in the air.........

[forward]

I have a picture of D that I was going to give to H.

I still might. But not for a few months at least.

You might peek at Trusting's thread on the whole idea of going dark/dim.... I expect H to be mad at me. I was always sensitive to his being mad at me. It is a 180 for me to not care.

[inmyplace]

Sleeper,

That video came on this morning.

The Waiting

Notice how out of synch they are with the music. And it appears the strings are missing from the guitar and bass at least in some parts of the video.

IMP

[sleeper]

Inmyplace,

There you go again showing off that tech savvy. Thanks. I haven't seen that in years. I'm pretty sure they were lip-syncing. Early music videos are basically their album (how long since you heard that?) cut on soundtrack with them performing on video.

I was in a band that backed up a 1960's R+B singer in the 90's and whenever he would say, "And now ladies and gentlemens, a little number from my latest LP" several of us would whisper, "CD, CD!"

Confession Time:

I guess I should let you guys know have a female roomate as of today. Her name is Tweety. I know, I'm not keen on her name either but she's sooooo cool. She prefers men (thank GOD). She's very pretty and has a cool kinda retro mowhawk. Right now she's sleeping in the living room. I think that's where I'll keep her. We'll have to see how lonely she gets and if she can handle being alone. When the kids come back they're gonna love her. I told them this week we might get a cockatiel if they behaved. They didn't, but I got her anyway.

Oh yeah, I turned down W's request to help her build a garden at the house and I'm not going to take the trash out for her tomorrow (that reads a lot weirder than it sounds when I think it). D*mn what a man I'm becoming! Before you know it I'll be f*rting out loud in public and leaving the seat up. I wonder if Tweety knows what she's gotten herself into.