Ali makes some good points here, even if you don't believe in astrology. I believe they lash out at us, and we do deserve some "blame" in that I'm sure each of us can find things we could have done differently in our marriages to make them happier. I know I can find a bunch, and for all the pain I've been through I really do feel good about learning these things. They have helped me grow, and while I've got a lot more work to do I do feel good about how far I've come. Frankly, if I do end up with a D, as I feel I will, some woman out there in my future will owe my W a thank you for cutting me loose. That woman will get someone who has grown, who has learned a great deal. My W will be selling this stock high, but that's her right. I don't mean to sound arrogant here, as I have many faults and a lot of work left to do, but I don't think it's wrong to pat ourselves on the back once in a while either.
I think one of the key things to learn here is the cycling experience. Detachment is not linear. At times we are furious at our spouses, yet at other times we still want to believe. For some of us, that faith will be rewarded, but for others it will not. Only time will tell. I'm convinced, however, that even those of us who lose our marriages are going through a very normal process of cycling through many different emotions, and that the process of pulling away from someone who has been a close part of our lives for so long takes a very long time, no matter what they say or do. Frankly, I feel I've gained a bit of insight into why battered women stay with their abusers for a while. I don't want to push that analogy too far, except to say that detaching from those who cause us pain is not as simple as it may look to an outsider.
This is a great thread; keep posting how you are doing.
