well I said a few things today when he came I didnt plan on it, but one thing lead to another and it all came put How I feel, my hurt and pain he has caused and how the children cry to me I didnt ask him to come back I simply told him how this has affected me and it was all truth that ive been holing back for the past 14 months I also said how I feel He is running and will not find what he whats he will only see himself face to face again when he stops his run well Needless to say, he didnt agree with me said he felt controlled in our M and he could never do what he wanted???? he said he lost himself..probably true as I did too I may have been controlling , but I always gave him lots of room to go as he wished I then said I see what I did wrong in out M and I agreed we did have problems in our M but we could have worked it out
He then said this is why he left..and I agreed now he knows why he left and this can remind him! OK I backslid! he got angrier and asked me to leave I said THIS is my house you can leave kids started crying he told them to come with him and they did
I spoke with a older friend after to sort it all out
I decided to leave him a VM to apologize as she suggested
I told him perhaps I said some things in an angry way and I needed to apologize for that but then told him I have been hurt by this and have also been holding this back for over a year and it all just came out I also said on VM I do not want to blame or criticize him for his choices as he did what he felt was right for him
this outburst was uncontrollable as I have held back and zipped it for so long and pretended all this time and no none of it has been ok I am ok though and maybe this will push him to make a choice maybe he has to go and I can not pretend anymore maybe something has to change even for the worse Maybe I needed to tell him my truth whether he hears me or not
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
