H is having affair after all

[Evie]

Thanks 25 yrs for your words of support and comfort. I agree that I should continue to DB, i just don't want him thinking he has been forgiven.

H and S1 left on Thursday for their weeks ski trip. I went to wave them off, it was better than i thought because the coaches had boarded and were ready to leave, s1 and a couple of close colleagues got off the coach to hug me and say goodbye. Ow was been collected from a service station on the motorway. Within 20 mins of the coach departing i had a text from H, asking a random question - he is so predictable, i could have bet he would text.

I have cancencelled my next c appointment and will make the appointment next week for a health check.

I have been reading alot on the MLC board. I can associate H with most of the 6 stages, he seems to be angry now, but he also seemed angry last May around the time of the bomb. He seems to have had replay and depression i think may have been around christmas, you may remember the 2 days worth of pity party texts i received from him over the xmas and new year period. As to the 5th stage 'withdrawel' i think that came first and this has been the longest stage. His stages seemed to have been a bit jumbled, do they run succintly? He hasn't got to the 'acceptance' stage though.

I read this last night and thought it aptly applied to my sitch:

'Because the justification for their affair is weak they usually refuse to discuss with close friends or loved ones who may attempt to change their minds. They withdraw from this circle and develop support from one's only known for a short time. This support doesn't know their life story so have no choice but to support and encourage their decisions'.

ALso through reading I have reached the decision that i was 'his mom' - not a nice thought- but so true, thinking back now, i have made more of the decisions and taken more of the responsibilty and also given unconditionally to the point that the 'taker ' in me was run rough shod over.

What has happened will now force H to start 'thinking' for himself, as you have all said to me before i can't control him or help him, he needs to work things out for himself. This unplanned 'darkness' will give him the time to do that without the pressure of me in the forefront. I shall continue to DB, for me, because the light hasn't gone out yet, as the advice says, it will be the hardest thing i have ever had to do, but now i get to lovingly distance properly, but in the knowledge that ow is/was there. I will continue to have hope, but i have the benefit now of knowing what i know.

I plan to have the best summer ever, i feel i want to reinvent myself a little. Already done the highlights, already GAL, have taken up yoga and i've lost some weight the last couple of weeks. Next is a a new image.

i'm not planning to make any major decisions regarding the house and business, i'm not making that decision for H. However, i do need to set new boundaries. For example i realise that H's spending maybe part of the MLC, i put it down to him living beyound his means at first, then i thought he was selfish, now i know its part of the cycle i need to have some protection. However, the busines unfortunately is all in his name. If I go to the solicitor it will get the ball rolling and i don't want that. It's a small business, we have a direct debit into a joint account for bills only, it also pays the running of the cars, petrol, staff's wages and the business overheads, so as long as that remains the same i'll be happy with that for now, and I think H will too, he pointed out that if i wipe the account clean, the bank will come after the house. I just need to stop him spending on the business if he feels he wants something which is unrelated to the business.

I must admit my heart has gone out of the business, i practically run it, H has hardly any input at all and while i've been putting in upwards of 7-10 hours a week, h has been off having his fun and freedom, while i've slaved a way to keep the business going so he can afford his good life.

I know i will have bad days and lonely days, i know i will.

Thank you for listening.

Happy Easter

Love Evie.
xxx