God give me the patience and the strength...2

[theotherhalf]

thank you so much snowmm for your encouragement!! I so need it right now.

and yes an2m I am!! and you are right about H...in a sense...

H came out this morning to do chores. I called him to get a list of checks he's wrote recently. He came back and called me to give them to me over the phone (he was sitting in his truck in the drive, GROW UP!!!) I said just come in as I have other stuff for you too. I went out instead. He asked for copy of income taxes so that he can get loan to pay bills due the first.

M:how are you going to handle that?
H:what do you mean, just get a operating loan as normal.
M:its not normal and I don't want to get any more involved with owing money.
H:you won't I'll get it in my name alone.
M:you don't understand is that as long as we are married I am responsible for the debt as you.
H:well I am going to keep farming
M: how are you going to do that? Do you have a way to pay me my half so that I can go make a new life for myself?
H:just keep on doing what we are doing, you living in your house and me farming
M:I can't keep doing that, you are controlling everything I do, what I spend, how I spend it
M:what do you expect me to do just walk away from this place with empty pockets, I earned half of this place too
He dropped the subject, asked if I had electrolytes for sick calf
M: well come in and I'll get it
H: no I can't come in the house no more
H: damb it H, that is not true and I wish you would quit telling people that. This is just as much your house as it is mine and you are still paying the payments. I just told you that you are not going to come in here and sit with me drinking coffee or hanging out when ever you feel like it, or answering OW's phone calls right in front of me, just leading me on and keep putting me through the BS.
He came in. I got the stuff he left for a bit then came back.
I asked him M: so am I going to get thrown in jail?
H: no
M: hmm, how did you manage to talk her out of that?
H: just did, she's got two days but she's not going to file, you did breaks some sh*t up though
M: hmm, not my fault
He makes a face like "a yea it is"
M: H, you may as well tell her I am not going away, no matter how long you live in a different house legally we are still M. and what you two are doing is wrong. I am damb tired of laying in the weeds letting people walk all over me. I am not a bad person and am tired of people treating me as though I am. I am no longer going to sit idle and let people take from me all that I hold dear. You have the power to fix this. Get a divorce or quit seeing her, it's your choice.

He said nothing and the look of guilt and sadness covered his face. He hung his head and couldn't look me in the eye. Didn't stay long and he left.