God give me the patience and the strength...2

[a new 2moro]

you have given OW several points in this...
a) you have paired your H & OW against you..you are now the common enemy

b) ow needs rescuing from you by your H

c) you have given your H huge validation for what he is doing.

so yup im not gonna lie to you.....OW has made it into the bonus round. it was a stunt similar to that i believe that made my h file a few weeks later. except ow didnt come out.

i was alot like you, i had this crazy sense of fairness to an obsession point. very unhealthy. i had to let it go

[theotherhalf]

Thanks dianamo, I know that I deseve them (2x4's) but have given myself plenty.

you are in charge. You know what is right for you

In these sitches, I really don't think so...

I want to go on loving my H. I want him to come home. I want to stay here on this farm. I want to stay apart of H's family. I want happiness and laughter and love in my life again. I want to hold my H. I want to laugh with him. I want to grow old with my best friend. I want a second chance at my M.

NONE of this is possible as long as H chooses to walk away with OW. I have no charge of any of what I want...

[theotherhalf]

i had this crazy sense of fairness to an obsession point

good explanation of how I feel..

[a new 2moro]

part of finding your inner peace is going to be letting this go. it will make you a better person that you can love. you cant have any of those things you want until you love your self and are peace with yourself. you are defining your life by having your h...well he cant handle that responsibility rite now. he is taking the path of least resistance. define your life by who you want to be first...then who you want in it.

[theotherhalf]

I KNOW who I am and who I want to be. I am a good person. I love with all I have. I am kind to all. I am funny. I am caring. I am proud. I am respectful. I am supporting. I am responsible. I am a great mom and wife. I am a great friend. I like to help people. I am honest. I am hard working. I am dependable. I am not materialistic. I don't need money and fancy things. I love the outdoors. I love animals and little children. I love laughter and fun. My children and my family are the most important things in life. I love myself, I just don't understand why he doesn't love me.

This is WHO I AM. And I am proud of WHO I AM. And I want one man to share my life with. That has been my H for 24 years and continues to be so...

[ddstartingover]

You're wrong-----you are in charge of YOU!!! You may have lost control briefly, you may have lost control of your emotions, but you are in charge of you, and who you are. If you ever forget that read your last post.

You are not in charge of H, or OW----just YOU.

This journey, this test, all of this sh** we are going through will get us to the other side, whatever it might be. For both of us, I hope it's reconcilliation or a new relationship with our H's, our best friends. BUT, it's true you are not in charge of what you WANT---just in charge of YOU---who you are, and your H can't take that away from you. Don't let the OW make you doubt that you are a wonderful person. Don't let your H make you doubt that (I need to learn this one myself)either.

I'm right there with you, and could have written everything you have written in your last two posts, but like all of the other bad stuff, you need to let go of what you did, don't beat yourself up over it anymore---you are in survival mode and lost control briefly.

[theotherhalf]

thanks dianamo

[snowmm]

TOH,

Give yourself some time to change your mind about what you are going to do. I'm not going to say that seeing a lawyer is the wrong thing to do. It may make you feel better. Just because you see a lawyer doesn't mean that you have to file AND the lawyer may know how to handle your fight the other day. You did what most of us here on this bb would like to do. Some of us know to stay away and others of us just don't have the nerve to do it.

I love your post that says all the things that you are. I am going to copy it and post every one of those things (the ones that I am) on my mirror at home and on my monitor at work. Post them somewhere that you can see them every day.

TOH, maybe instead of telling yourself to move on would it work to tell yourself to move forward. I know that when someone tells me to move on I want to take the 2x4 and hit THEM upside the head. The fact that I get up every day and go to work, take care of the animals, see some friends, etc. proves that I am moving on. I am not back in 2006 I am in 2008 and there have been major changes in my life. But when friends tell me they can see that I've move forward I feel so much better. It's just a word but it's a big difference in my mind.

As for the OW, until I asked her for forgiveness (I did it just a week ago) I couldn't let go of her. Once I did that I have thought of her less and less. Maybe now that you have let your anger out you will be able to move forward. You never know but it may have been what your H needed to see to wake him up.

Take some time to heal from this episode in your life. Go see a lawyer so that you have someone to talk to but let them know that you aren't really sure what you want.

There are many days we are all ready to give up. Then a few days later we have gathered our strength and are ready for the next episode. You have a lot on your plate. Put your M and your H on the back burner right now and focus on the other stuff. And pray.

((((((((TOH))))))))

[a new 2moro]

I love myself, I just don't understand why he doesn't love me.

now think here what have we told you about this???? You know the answer

I am proud of WHO I AM.

then find people that love you for who you are to hang with now.....im NOT saying another man! your H is unavailable right now as if he had gone off to war.

[theotherhalf]

thank you so much snowmm for your encouragement!! I so need it right now.

and yes an2m I am!! and you are right about H...in a sense...

H came out this morning to do chores. I called him to get a list of checks he's wrote recently. He came back and called me to give them to me over the phone (he was sitting in his truck in the drive, GROW UP!!!) I said just come in as I have other stuff for you too. I went out instead. He asked for copy of income taxes so that he can get loan to pay bills due the first.

M:how are you going to handle that?
H:what do you mean, just get a operating loan as normal.
M:its not normal and I don't want to get any more involved with owing money.
H:you won't I'll get it in my name alone.
M:you don't understand is that as long as we are married I am responsible for the debt as you.
H:well I am going to keep farming
M: how are you going to do that? Do you have a way to pay me my half so that I can go make a new life for myself?
H:just keep on doing what we are doing, you living in your house and me farming
M:I can't keep doing that, you are controlling everything I do, what I spend, how I spend it
M:what do you expect me to do just walk away from this place with empty pockets, I earned half of this place too
He dropped the subject, asked if I had electrolytes for sick calf
M: well come in and I'll get it
H: no I can't come in the house no more
H: damb it H, that is not true and I wish you would quit telling people that. This is just as much your house as it is mine and you are still paying the payments. I just told you that you are not going to come in here and sit with me drinking coffee or hanging out when ever you feel like it, or answering OW's phone calls right in front of me, just leading me on and keep putting me through the BS.
He came in. I got the stuff he left for a bit then came back.
I asked him M: so am I going to get thrown in jail?
H: no
M: hmm, how did you manage to talk her out of that?
H: just did, she's got two days but she's not going to file, you did breaks some sh*t up though
M: hmm, not my fault
He makes a face like "a yea it is"
M: H, you may as well tell her I am not going away, no matter how long you live in a different house legally we are still M. and what you two are doing is wrong. I am damb tired of laying in the weeds letting people walk all over me. I am not a bad person and am tired of people treating me as though I am. I am no longer going to sit idle and let people take from me all that I hold dear. You have the power to fix this. Get a divorce or quit seeing her, it's your choice.

He said nothing and the look of guilt and sadness covered his face. He hung his head and couldn't look me in the eye. Didn't stay long and he left.