In my situation, as long as my W drops hints that she is considering reconciliation, I will stay in this. That is the control I have.
With us, being apart is helping. At least, in her mind it is...and she controls THAT part. Anything that I do, which conflicts with her vision of being apart in order to find herself, makes her wig out. So I am careful not to push her or talk of the future.
So, do I want to be with that type of person? Well, when I see how she really is (after a couple glasses of wine), I hold out hope that I DO want to be with this person.
I can see the new strength, which I love. I can see the sweet part of her, which I also love. So I am hopeful.
In your sitch, it seems like every day is a repeat of the last...nothing is breaking the dynamic. She tries to get you to argue, in order for you to react, and if you do, it justifies her attitude, in her mind. She thinks, "See, I'm doing the right thing, he is unreasonable".
I know that having kids around limits your options. But something needs to be done to shake things up...she isn't just going to wake up one day and be the old Sally.
I know at the beginning, you said your marriage was bad for a time before this. What made it start to turn south? It couldn't have been 100% her...what did you do to contribute to the breakdown? Just ask yourself those questions, and see if you can address one or two things that you think you might have done. Be radical and be consistent. Don't go back and forth. If you are going to be strong and confident, STAY that way, no matter what.
It sounds like she is on the fence, leaning away, waiting for you to do something, anything. I know you have a psychiatrist, a DB coach, friends, and all of us advising you...that can make it confusing as hell. But like I said - you need to do something, and be consistent.
It might not work out, but what do you have to lose?
On another note (pun intended), I just got the new Eagles CD. There is a song on there which describes the state most of us are in, and what we need to do.
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
