I like your first post after all the name calling and controversy.
"No the PA is not married or attached."
Leave it at that. Do not get stuck in what you did. Be a little cautious of discussing here what happened. Remember this is a public forum. You are getting papers. I don't think discussing all your feelings and emotions about this situation is the best thing. Don't hide from it, just Keep It Simple.
"I have decided to pull away from the PA person and actually he has made that very easy to do with his behavior so a lesson learned for me."
He behaved badly? Really? I would have never seen that coming! The gall of some people. What lesson did you learn? All I want to hear is "No Dating"!
"he realizes and even said he understands how leaving me could do such damage to my feelings of being a desireable woman and feeling like I can't ever have a companion again."
What? Lemme freshen that up for you.
I can't believe that you would do something that stupid just because I left. You could have anyone you wanted. I just thought you would wait till we were really "done".
Can you see the NFC in what he was saying? The only thing he "understands" is what he did to bring you to the point of doing it. This is a good thing. He does not "understand" why!! Ask Lan if you don't believe me. Lan is becoming an Advanced DAM as we speak.
"I felt like I would be ALONE forever because I lack the skills to date, etc... And really those things shouldn't be even a thought in my mind but the lonliness and the feelings of rejection from H are so overwhelming."
You lack the skills to date? Reallly? I fully expect you will fall right back into it. Oh wait, You already did. Oh thats right your husband made you do it. He forced you to do what you did. No, you thought that would fix it. You applied sub par tools to the task at hand. Guess what that tool did. It broke. Now you got to dig up the receipt, go to Sears, Stand in line, explain what happened and hope they give you another tool that will break. Look at the Snap-On man (ME) standing in the door of his truck saying "I told you so".
"I do go to C and she suggested against getting involved with PA because I am too vulnerable right now."
Really? She sounds smart. I bet you paid her to say that. Wheres my Co-Pay? I will say it much different than she will. No Dating! You are an easy pickings. What is going to find you right now is, well, you already learned that lesson.
"Why H? He seems to want to be in more contact with me now since filing the papers and finding out about PA. He has been talking to me like a real friend for the first time since he walked out over 3 months ago and I am soaking it up but not being overly exuberant about it."
He is in what I call "Fast Forgive" mode. He is applying his sub par tools to the situation at hand. He is looking for a fix in the wrong place. All this is going to do is confuse the hel* out of him and likely make you mad. Lan pay attention. The more he drives at the situation the less you will want to talk about it. You are going to feel like you are going over stuff over and over. What he will think is the issue is not the issue. I will guarantee if you pull back a little he is going to come at you hard. Again ask Lan if you need someone to verify. Weirdly, you are gonna take some of his control away. He is not going to like this. You will. Some time will pass, some drama will ensue, but if you keep it up, you can start dealing with the real issue at hand. How can we communicate better.
Stop dwelling about the papers. They will get there when they get there. You have the direction you need to go with that. I am pretty sure that was quite clear. I went back and read it just to make sure. I know you are slow learner and all.
It is your time to shine. You think that was a bump. You are on the kiddy ride at the fair right now. I cant wait until you till you get on the Griffon. (Thats a ride at Busch Gardens in Williamsburg). I like to ride it with my hands up. Im standing in line waiting on you. Your late. I'll hold you a place in the front seat. Its one hel* of a ride. I have been there and done that. You can hold onto me and scream if you like. I don't mind.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
