"Husband, I don't know what your problem is, but please stop taking it out on me. It's very disrespectful. Since you got nasty with me last week for waking you up, and nasty with me last nite for NOT waking you up, I will no longer be responsible for either. Set an alarm if you need to."
I am unsure where you on in your sitch... Have you made some goals up for yourself? Do you have any DBing ideas? Things you CAN and SHOULD be doing?
I have not done this in a concrete way. I have been trying not to discuss R, but flounder on this sometimes. I have cut back drastically on contacting H. I read DB at the very beginning, at that point I thought I was recovering from an affair, I was being the greener grass, being the best person he would love to come home to. Then I found out he was still in contact with her(not physical to my knowledge). It threw me right off track and I no longer have the book as reference.
Originally Posted By: Hope4us
Where are you in Canada? My paternal grandmother was originally from London, Ont
I am near Niagara Falls, I have had to go to London a hadful of times for work it is about 2 1/2 hours away. I live right on the border of Buffalo, NY. Go BILLS!!!
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
We've been to Niagra a number of times. Just love Niagara on the Lake.
Grandma was from London, but her and family moved to Windsor when she was young. The family knew some people in Ohio where she met my grandfather. My great grandparents eventually moved to Ohio also.
Bills? Nope. Go Steelers!
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
[quote=emily22]I am unsure where you on in your sitch... Have you made some goals up for yourself? Do you have any DBing ideas? Things you CAN and SHOULD be doing?
I have not done this in a concrete way. I have been trying not to discuss R, but flounder on this sometimes. I have cut back drastically on contacting H. I read DB at the very beginning, at that point I thought I was recovering from an affair, I was being the greener grass, being the best person he would love to come home to. Then I found out he was still in contact with her(not physical to my knowledge). It threw me right off track and I no longer have the book as reference.
Neecy, just because he is still with OM doesn't mean that some of the DB principles won't work. No, he's not going to let you meet his physical or emotional needs right now, and C is usually worthless at this stage. But the DB principles that focus on YOU can be very helpful, and have the double benefit of also making you more attractive to him.
Well you need to DB you dear. As I'm sure you've read over and over and over... you can't change him so change you.
The best part of DBing is it's you working on YOU! The things you are doing are good. I know they're hard, but keep trying. If he's gonna damn if you do damn if you don't.. than as hard as it is try to remove yourself from the damning situation. As someone said tell him you won't be responsible, buy an alarm clock.. haha
Think of somethings you would like to do for you.... It can be little things, taking a class, ANYTHING, something for YOU!
I have decided to join a co-ed slo pitch baseball team this sumer. It is 2 nights a week on wednesdays and fridays. This is the most major thing I have done for myself in the 12 1/2 years I have been with H. Even before I had my daughter and I decided to go back to school and work on a second degree I chose a night that H already had a social event so I wouldn't miss out on time with him. I will have to find a babysitter for some nights since H's schedule sometimes has him working till 8 on a friday or 7 on a wed but it should be fun, I used to love baseball and played till I was 16 every year, and was really good. When I first met H we played together on a team for the store we worked at, I was horrible because I was too concerned about him. It is not until May, who knows by then I might be single anyway.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
I think that sounds fun! Softball was a BIG sport where I used to live - just about everyone played on a team. Anyway, it was pretty fun and a great way to make friends. Gee, maybe I should check into that as well!
Playing softball was VERY good for me when I was going thru my chit with my wayward wife. I hadn't played competitively in FIFTEEN YEARS, but it turns out I was pretty good!
Its a beer league, and apparantly you can drink right on the bench, doubt I will do that though, I can't handle too much, I'm a bit of a light weight. Maybe a couple after the game.
I am really looking forward to it but it is hard to picture if H and I are still together how he is going to handle it. He has never ever told me I can't do anything but I do very little. As you can tell from my previous posts he does have a social life, and often comes home quite late.
The other night he mentioned that he still wonders what I did the one night I went out with his SIL. I went out with her 11 years ago! I sat on the steps if the bar after it was closed waiting for her while she screwed around on H's brother. It was the last time I did anything with her.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
I am really looking forward to it but it is hard to picture if H and I are still together how he is going to handle it.
Neecy, I think during this time of "focus-on-Neecy" you need to really think about why you feel the need to worry about how your husband is going to "handle" things like this.
Why is that your job?
You sound a bit like me, in that I am a big "rescuer."
