Hello Mr. MLC part deux!!

[mymonkeybug]

Ali-

There is regret in my heart over the PA. No the PA is not married or attached.

I have decided to pull away from the PA person and actually he has made that very easy to do with his behavior so a lesson learned for me.

I don't think H is concerned over me moving on so fast...he realizes and even said he understands how leaving me could do such damage to my feelings of being a desireable woman and feeling like I can't ever have a companion again. It is difficult to be with one man for 19 years and never anyone else and then that man is gone. I felt like I would be ALONE forever because I lack the skills to date, etc... And really those things shouldn't be even a thought in my mind but the lonliness and the feelings of rejection from H are so overwhelming.

I do go to C and she suggested against getting involved with PA because I am too vulnerable right now. So I didn't listen to her or the little voice within me saying RUN the other way...lol. I know you suggest pull back from friend which I HAVE done but to also pull back from H. Why H? He seems to want to be in more contact with me now since filing the papers and finding out about PA. He has been talking to me like a real friend for the first time since he walked out over 3 months ago and I am soaking it up but not being overly exuberant about it.

I just sit back now and wait to get the papers. He didn't pay the extra money to have a sheriff serve them but could have them certified mailed or have a third party serve me with them. I would die if his mom or dad served me. He filed on grounds of mutual seperation which it obviously wasn't but I tol dhim I would not contest that. I want to give him the freedom he so desires and become the girlfriend he wants, the one he can confide in and talk to and maybe eventually become intimate with.

Like FG said this is now my time to SHINE and I am trying to get on that shiney path so I can live it. I just had a major bump in the way I couldn't get over so I had to go through it.