I have been dating a woman that I was friends with 13 years ago. I had feelings for her back then and she for me, but we were young, and to not go into a long and dramatic(but really good) story, we will just say nothing ever materalized. So I had decided that I was going to stay alone until my 4 year old was 18. I hadn't had luck dating women as most had turned out to be not people that I would want to spend a whole lot of time with, or bring around my boys. So about a month after I make that decision I came across her name in our departments global address book and I sent her an email. We became friends again and friends quickly became more. We are getting married in October. I needed to wait until I was happy being the man that God made me. I truley believe that everything happens for a reason. I did what I could to save a marriage with a woman who was having an open affair. My girl did the same thing, fought to save a marriage that her husband was doing the same. Actually the ways that our lives parralelled since we walked away from each other so long ago is kind of scary. The fact is that I can live without her, I just don't want to.
I will take the skills that I learned on this very bulliten board and use them to have a healthy Marriage.
I need to thank some people that I have met here. First off my sister... AmyC you forced me to realize that it is none of my Damn buisness what Gods plan is for me, and helped me realize that it is OK not to know everything all the time. Amy you saved my life and I will never forget that, and I will always love you for it on behalf of my boys thank you. You are a Godsend here and anyone who says different about you is flat out wrong.....period
FrankD, you showed me how to, and why I needed to, "man up"..... for me.(please my friend go back and read you old posts on my threads, you need them right now as much as I did)
Brand New Day, you are like a mother to me, you knew when and how to say things that needed to be said to make me see.
Lissie, you soooo helped me lighten up.
Becca, thanks honey, for just being Becca.
Last edited by blyndfaith; 03/22/0806:25 AM.
I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.
Wishing you both every happiness. I am sure all the past will help you in your future. We sure learn so much here even if we don't manage to restore our marriage. Congratulations and thanks for the update.
We sure learn so much here even if we don't manage to restore our marriage.
totally, I would not be able to function in a healthy R if not for these BOARDS!!!
Had easter all together on Saturday, originally planned for Sunday but XW was being....well XW. F was very understanding. To see her with my boys melts my heart. Especially S9(9as of today), they have a special connection. It's hard to put my finger on it, but he sees something in her.
I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.
I am very happy for you. For real. God is good all the time, eh? This was sweet enough but...
Quote:
First off my sister... AmyC you forced me to realize that it is none of my Damn buisness what Gods plan is for me, and helped me realize that it is OK not to know everything all the time. Amy you saved my life and I will never forget that, and I will always love you for it on behalf of my boys thank you. You are a Godsend here and anyone who says different about you is flat out wrong.....period
...brought me to tears. That means so much to me that I will not even ruin it by trying to put it into words.
Things have been going great up until this last week. The occational arguement or kid/job stress, but nothing we didn't work out. so
Last Friday Fiancee calls, on her way from a therapist appointment. She tells me that we need to talk. I ask her if it's good or bad she says both. I ask her if she still wants to marry me if she still loves me, she says more than ever.
So we talk. There was a dude at work that was flirting with her, she said she was attracted to him, and felt guilty that she could open herself up to it. She felt like she wasn't good enough for me. Her therapist told her that what happened happened and she needed to tell me about it, and tell dude to leave her alone. He hasn't seen her this happy in 2 years. I told her that I understood and was glad that she told me, that it built trust and that she needs to tell the guy to back off. She did so next time she worked and things were fine until about Tuesday. I had felt that she was distant, not into me. I knew she was tired from working third shift, but didn't really know how to take it, I went on like myself, told her that I missed her.
So last night...
I send her stupid myspace surveys and she answers them and sends them back to me... In the surveys these were some of her answers
Does she plan on being married in 3 years...I don't know Who is her best friend...me what would she change in her life right now....uncertanty does she wish she was with her boyfriend right now....yes when is she going to see the person she likes again...tomorrow(she was planning on coming over today) whats on her mind....too much to talk about ect.. you get the pic so here's the email exchange
me: what are you uncertain about? her: idk(i don't know) me: talk to me gorgeous.... no pressure, don't worry about hurting me. tell me what's on your mind her: i can't, i don't really know or understand what Im feeling me: do you love me? her: well yeah me: in love? but not sure about the whole marriage thing? i knew this has been coming for a couple days, i thought that you were maybe just reacting to me and the stress that i have been going through, but i knew something was up today. i just want to know where we stand her: idk me: i am sorry if it is anything that i did or said. you let me know when you know her: no, no, no, you haven't done anything. i think you know what's on my mind, and it bothers the hell out of me. i can't stop this f---ing internal conflict, and it's driving me mad! I seriously contemplated driving into a tree yesterday, i feel like im going to explode. i don't think you will ever have any idea the internal hell im going through right now me: is it cassanova? you still have the feelings? her: i can't talk about this me: as much as i love you, i am not going to compete with another guy. you can't help how you feel. i think it's best if i pick up the books and book cases sometime this week. i will make sure to give you the money i owe you as soon as i get it, i appreciate it very much. i realize that this is a lot for you especially at work. i am not saying that i don't want to be with you, because God and everybody else knows i do, but things have to change. 3 boys are involved and i can't watch any of the 3 of them go through this again. you sort what you need to sort out in your head and let me know what you come up with. no that right now i love you more than ever, and my heart aches, mostly because i have been where you say you are now, and i hate to imagine you going through it. i love you fiancee, good night
her: i don't even know what to say me: what is there to say? you can't help how you feel. i am giving you space and i will be praying every fing second that the next one will be the one you call her: please know that i hate what im doing to you, and my heart aches, and id love nothing more than to be sure of how i feel, and not f**k up my whole life me: yeah, i need to know how far it has went are you still talking to him? been hanging out? her: what do you mean yeah? what do you mean how far it went? how far what went? and yes, i've talked to him, i work with him me: i meant yeah ok i do uderstand. i just meant is he still saying stuff to you. i'm not trying to pick a fight or anything. i am trying to be decent about this, i would like to see you sort through this her: oh, i thought you were trying to be a d##k. no, he's not saying "stuff" to me me: no i don't do that. well you do what you gotta do f. know that i love you her: k me: goodnight, i will try to get my stuff right away tomorrow if that is convienent for you her: whatever me: is it not convienent? why whatever? what are you thinking? her: god i don't know....i don't know, i don't know me: settle down. what i am thinking is that you don't want to be with me, you don't want me around, you don't want me to pressure you or fight for you, that you want your space, i am letting you go in hopes that you come back. i don't know whats going on with you. i am believing that there is nothing going on with this dude, so i don't know f. i could give you a million reasons why this shouldn't be happenng but you know them all already cuz they are things that you have been saying. so i am going with what i think will be best for all 5 of us. her: i do want my space, i don't want pressure, and i know there are more people than just me that are going to be affected by this. me: and i am giving you your space. the fact is i have been getting ready for this for a few days. i'm not going to go into what i am feeling because it isn't important. i don't plan on you wanting to come back. so getting it done now will make it easier when you decide someone else is what you want or no one is what you want or whatever you decide me: k i'm going to bed now, maybe it would be a little uncomfortable to get the stuff tomorrow. if i still work that trade on sunday maybe i can see if my cousin can stay later while i do it while you're at work sunday night? if you don't want me there while you're not i understand. just let me know what works for you. her: really, whatever, im good me: when you say that you are upset. i guess i don't know what i am suppose to do. what do you want me to do, be honest her: im not upset, well, im clearly upset, but not with you. really richie, whatever works for you me: what works for me is you coming home, but that isn't going to happen. lets start over are you still in love with me? her: you don't just stop loving someone, but my heart is aching because it's mixed up. i hate the uncertainty i feel, i hate that you are so good to me, and yet i question if it's supposed to be, i hate what im going through, i hate what you're going through, i hate all of this, but i won't compromise what's truly right, for what's easy me: what is truly right is what we choose to be truley right, if you think it is truley right with this other guy than who am i to tell you differently, as much as i would want to, i wouldn't. what makes you question us, is going to make you question anyone that you are with. i was going to ask if this was something we could work through together like through couples counseling, but i don't think you would want that. i guess i just want to know what you want me to do. i will say one thing though, easy or not, i was good to you because you deserved it. i respected you enough to know my role until i realized you were at where you were at with old bf, i never objectified you in that respect by thinking oh, i can win her away. as a friend(best friends remember) i am telling you to be careful, could be the nicest guy in the world, but you had a ring on your finger, no matter what you said it was there and he saw it. no matter what anyone says he is no different than (her ow) or (my om).
anyway, i hope that didn't piss you off, and i wasn't trying to sway you, thank you for being honest about all this. please tell me what you want me to do, what would you do me: first of all, i am not leaving you to be with him. give me a little more f+_king credit than that. I have made it through a hell of a lot in my life, and i think i can make my own decisions without someone else "winning me". Im not a f*&king trophy. I'm respecting you more than myself right now by putting out there my doubts and fears. I would give you space, time to find yourself and your inner voice, and i wouldn't ever question you're integrity by implying your leaving me "for" someone else me: i never said you were leaving me for him. if you were the kind of person to do that, i wouldn't still be up emailing with you. but he has something to do with all of this and i was just telling you to be careful. that's it. i know you are too strong to be a trophy, i was simply telling you how i felt you were being viewed based on what you told me. and i want you to make this decision f, believe me i do. i am going to give you space and time, i am going to leave you alone until you tell me not to, and if that never happens then i guess that is your decision, when i went into the getting my stuff thing, i said it because i don't expect to make that call. yes, you are respecting me by putting it out there, but you are also respecting yourself by being true with your feelings and i am totaly proud of you for that. so i know your doubts about all of this, what are your fears about us? her: my doubts are my fears me: ok goodnight f good luck i sincerely hope you find what you are looking for, whether that means i ever see you again or not, i mean that. that is how you feel when you love somebody, that is how you feel when you know that your happiness isn't as important as if they are okay her: goodnight richie
so, anything?
I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.
Things have been going great up until this last week. The occational arguement or kid/job stress, but nothing we didn't work out. so
Last Friday Fiancee calls, on her way from a therapist appointment. She tells me that we need to talk. I ask her if it's good or bad she says both. I ask her if she still wants to marry me if she still loves me, she says more than ever.
So we talk. There was a dude at work that was flirting with her, she said she was attracted to him, and felt guilty that she could open herself up to it. She felt like she wasn't good enough for me. Her therapist told her that what happened happened and she needed to tell me about it, and tell dude to leave her alone. He hasn't seen her this happy in 2 years. I told her that I understood and was glad that she told me, that it built trust and that she needs to tell the guy to back off. She did so next time she worked and things were fine until about Tuesday. I had felt that she was distant, not into me. I knew she was tired from working third shift, but didn't really know how to take it, I went on like myself, told her that I missed her.
So last night...
I send her stupid myspace surveys and she answers them and sends them back to me... In the surveys these were some of her answers
Does she plan on being married in 3 years...I don't know Who is her best friend...me what would she change in her life right now....uncertanty does she wish she was with her boyfriend right now....yes when is she going to see the person she likes again...tomorrow(she was planning on coming over today) whats on her mind....too much to talk about ect.. you get the pic so here's the email exchange
me: what are you uncertain about? her: idk(i don't know) me: talk to me gorgeous.... no pressure, don't worry about hurting me. tell me what's on your mind her: i can't, i don't really know or understand what Im feeling me: do you love me? her: well yeah me: in love? but not sure about the whole marriage thing? i knew this has been coming for a couple days, i thought that you were maybe just reacting to me and the stress that i have been going through, but i knew something was up today. i just want to know where we stand her: idk me: i am sorry if it is anything that i did or said. you let me know when you know her: no, no, no, you haven't done anything. i think you know what's on my mind, and it bothers the hell out of me. i can't stop this f---ing internal conflict, and it's driving me mad! I seriously contemplated driving into a tree yesterday, i feel like im going to explode. i don't think you will ever have any idea the internal hell im going through right now me: is it cassanova? you still have the feelings? her: i can't talk about this me: as much as i love you, i am not going to compete with another guy. you can't help how you feel. i think it's best if i pick up the books and book cases sometime this week. i will make sure to give you the money i owe you as soon as i get it, i appreciate it very much. i realize that this is a lot for you especially at work. i am not saying that i don't want to be with you, because God and everybody else knows i do, but things have to change. 3 boys are involved and i can't watch any of the 3 of them go through this again. you sort what you need to sort out in your head and let me know what you come up with. no that right now i love you more than ever, and my heart aches, mostly because i have been where you say you are now, and i hate to imagine you going through it. i love you fiancee, good night
her: i don't even know what to say me: what is there to say? you can't help how you feel. i am giving you space and i will be praying every fing second that the next one will be the one you call her: please know that i hate what im doing to you, and my heart aches, and id love nothing more than to be sure of how i feel, and not f**k up my whole life me: yeah, i need to know how far it has went are you still talking to him? been hanging out? her: what do you mean yeah? what do you mean how far it went? how far what went? and yes, i've talked to him, i work with him me: i meant yeah ok i do uderstand. i just meant is he still saying stuff to you. i'm not trying to pick a fight or anything. i am trying to be decent about this, i would like to see you sort through this her: oh, i thought you were trying to be a d##k. no, he's not saying "stuff" to me me: no i don't do that. well you do what you gotta do f. know that i love you her: k me: goodnight, i will try to get my stuff right away tomorrow if that is convienent for you her: whatever me: is it not convienent? why whatever? what are you thinking? her: god i don't know....i don't know, i don't know me: settle down. what i am thinking is that you don't want to be with me, you don't want me around, you don't want me to pressure you or fight for you, that you want your space, i am letting you go in hopes that you come back. i don't know whats going on with you. i am believing that there is nothing going on with this dude, so i don't know f. i could give you a million reasons why this shouldn't be happenng but you know them all already cuz they are things that you have been saying. so i am going with what i think will be best for all 5 of us. her: i do want my space, i don't want pressure, and i know there are more people than just me that are going to be affected by this. me: and i am giving you your space. the fact is i have been getting ready for this for a few days. i'm not going to go into what i am feeling because it isn't important. i don't plan on you wanting to come back. so getting it done now will make it easier when you decide someone else is what you want or no one is what you want or whatever you decide me: k i'm going to bed now, maybe it would be a little uncomfortable to get the stuff tomorrow. if i still work that trade on sunday maybe i can see if my cousin can stay later while i do it while you're at work sunday night? if you don't want me there while you're not i understand. just let me know what works for you. her: really, whatever, im good me: when you say that you are upset. i guess i don't know what i am suppose to do. what do you want me to do, be honest her: im not upset, well, im clearly upset, but not with you. really richie, whatever works for you me: what works for me is you coming home, but that isn't going to happen. lets start over are you still in love with me? her: you don't just stop loving someone, but my heart is aching because it's mixed up. i hate the uncertainty i feel, i hate that you are so good to me, and yet i question if it's supposed to be, i hate what im going through, i hate what you're going through, i hate all of this, but i won't compromise what's truly right, for what's easy me: what is truly right is what we choose to be truley right, if you think it is truley right with this other guy than who am i to tell you differently, as much as i would want to, i wouldn't. what makes you question us, is going to make you question anyone that you are with. i was going to ask if this was something we could work through together like through couples counseling, but i don't think you would want that. i guess i just want to know what you want me to do. i will say one thing though, easy or not, i was good to you because you deserved it. i respected you enough to know my role until i realized you were at where you were at with old bf, i never objectified you in that respect by thinking oh, i can win her away. as a friend(best friends remember) i am telling you to be careful, could be the nicest guy in the world, but you had a ring on your finger, no matter what you said it was there and he saw it. no matter what anyone says he is no different than (her ow) or (my om).
anyway, i hope that didn't piss you off, and i wasn't trying to sway you, thank you for being honest about all this. please tell me what you want me to do, what would you do me: first of all, i am not leaving you to be with him. give me a little more f+_king credit than that. I have made it through a hell of a lot in my life, and i think i can make my own decisions without someone else "winning me". Im not a f*&king trophy. I'm respecting you more than myself right now by putting out there my doubts and fears. I would give you space, time to find yourself and your inner voice, and i wouldn't ever question you're integrity by implying your leaving me "for" someone else me: i never said you were leaving me for him. if you were the kind of person to do that, i wouldn't still be up emailing with you. but he has something to do with all of this and i was just telling you to be careful. that's it. i know you are too strong to be a trophy, i was simply telling you how i felt you were being viewed based on what you told me. and i want you to make this decision f, believe me i do. i am going to give you space and time, i am going to leave you alone until you tell me not to, and if that never happens then i guess that is your decision, when i went into the getting my stuff thing, i said it because i don't expect to make that call. yes, you are respecting me by putting it out there, but you are also respecting yourself by being true with your feelings and i am totaly proud of you for that. so i know your doubts about all of this, what are your fears about us? her: my doubts are my fears me: ok goodnight f good luck i sincerely hope you find what you are looking for, whether that means i ever see you again or not, i mean that. that is how you feel when you love somebody, that is how you feel when you know that your happiness isn't as important as if they are okay her: goodnight richie
so, anything?
I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.
