Minkerman: Soothing the skittish spouse!

[Dom R]

She says that when I am around, she feels herself reverting back to old thought patterns and behavior patterns...plus she says she feels like "it'll all be OK with us" when we are together, but she is confused by her feelings of wanting to stay away. Being on her own apparently will give her clarity on what she wants. ACK!!

translation:

Something inside her wants to be "independant".
When she's around you, she actually likes being with you, and no longer wishes to be independant.

So the part of her that wants to be "independant", is trying to deliberately kill her good feelings for you, by separating herself from you and thereby attempting to starve those feelings to death.
Then she wont feel conflicted any more about being "independant".

I still think we will end up together, because when I get a peek behind the curtain I can see that she misses me,...

Sounds like you may be making the assumption, "one way or another, you'll be back together".
never,EVER make that assumption.

It is guaranteed to screw you up, and make you complacent, and make you miss what you need to do.

Just ask Trixi.