Well, I DID try to save my marriage. I did everything that I could, but he had made up his mind. He had moved on and wanted to marry OW. I read DB and DR and spent much time on the bb. I did some things right and I made a lot of mistakes. The problem that I have with it all is putting all the onus on me if it didn't work out.
The thing is - it takes 2 people to make a marriage work. They both have to want it.
But I have no regrets for trying. If I hadn't - I probably would. I know that I did everything I could and I can look my children in the eye and tell them that. It was out of my control.
I don't encourage posters to beat a dead horse. I do try to support people who want to save their marriage. But there is a point that they must get on with their life. No, I don't mean a month after separation - I mean a year or 2 later if there has been no change and nothing works. I would not encourage someone to keep hanging on and hoping. Life is too wonderful. I would encourage that person to get on with it. I don't mean going out and finding someone new. I mean - finding new ways to enjoy life. Learning to live on your own and love yourself. Learning that life goes on and it is for the living. And if, eventually, that means finding someone new - then that's ok. But all in due time.
So, I would NEVER encourage someone to go back to an abusive situation but I would also not encourage someone to keep working on a one way marriage for a LONG period of time.
