(((((Beth 83))))) I hope your H is paying enough attention to see that he has a great W, and he should put his energy back into his relationship with her! Keep it up, Beth!
So, something happened today that set me back that I didn't expect.
My cousin, who is my age...had her baby.
I was so excited for her! And then...the tears came.
Here's an explanation. My cousin was my best friend growing up. We shared everything, talking about "becoming women", dating, getting married, etc. She was the maid of honor at my wedding. We started to grow apart when we were away at college, but since we are related, we also kept a special place for each other.
So, today I found out she had her baby. It is the first person who is my age (1st friend of mine) who had a baby. I started getting teary eyed when I saw pics of her holding the new born. And then, like a SWITCH, it turned into tears of sadness.
Will that every happen to me? I thought. Will I ever be as happy as she is in those pictures? I thought.
Wow.
Here I was, a woman who previously hadn't really been thinking about babies, who still isn't in a position to have a baby...CRYING thinking about babies.
I called my BF and without me even needing to get into my feelings, she simply said that I wouldn't be alone forever. She made me feel better.
But. Wow. I didn't expect THAT reaction.
Another surprisingly painful incident.
But, as T tells me, I sat there saying, Hello sadness. It is ok. I'll be ok.
Will that every happen to me? I thought. Will I ever be as happy as she is in those pictures? I thought.
Beth- it will happen for you. You are an amazing person- strong, funny, supportive, empathetic, sensitive. You're at a fork in the road right now, and are being super strong by keeping an openness towards reconciliation with H. It takes guts to do that. One way or another, I know you're going to come out of this OK and have everything you've ever dreamed of.
L.xx
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
Man... it is crazy where the sadness lurks. There you are, living your life, and then, BOOM, it shows up. Sometimes for the most insignificant reasons... sometimes for the deepest reasons. I think what you are feeling is so normal... I KNOW you are going to be OK and come out of this SO much stronger, more centered, grounded, clear about who you are and what you want, and loving yourself and even in a better place to love a special man. Remember when you told me that you thought it was good that all this stuff was coming up in my R before I was married? well, maybe it is good that all of this stuff came up in your M before there were babies involved. This way when you are bringing babies into the world you will have a ROCK SOLID R !!!
Going to my sisters in PA today and tomorrow for Easter. Should be fun to get away. One good thing about this whole thing w/ H is that I have gotten closer with my sister (the night H left, my sister drove 2 hrs here and 2 hours back home just to be with me)
