Need advice: What stage of MLC?

[4myfamily]

Hi, my W is having a classic/textbook/word-perfect MLC. She has had a PA now ended although I suspect still in touch with OM.

She has been to an alternative therapist due to depression and the therapist has recognized that W has self-esteem issues stemming from childhood. This alternative therapy has made W more positive in outlook. I think she is still a little depressed and has a 'thirty yard stare/deer caught in headlights'.

W has reconnected with our children and appears to be returning to old activities of 3-4 months ago.

We are still together but no physical contact, a bit more eye contact but still aiming barbed remarks at me.

W is definitely a different person, sounds different and strangely looks a little different: Anybody else noticed anything like this?

I am keeping out of her way as I believe she is still in withdrawal but not sure. Letting her make the running re: contact at the moment.

My questions are (if anyone can help):

Will the alternative therapy and instant lift it gave her interfere with the natural MLC cycle?

Is letting her doing the pursuing the right thing to do at the moment? The advice here is 'the silence of the spouse is important' but I think she may have put out one or two subtle feelers to see what I really think, or could be 'touch and goes'?

Trying to keep a PMA and GALing as much as possible.

Thanks,

4myfamily

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Conventional wisdom here says that if you chase, pursue or pressure her, she will run.

I personally see little differnece between subtle feelers and 'touch and go'.

How long has all of this been going on?

[peacetoday]

4 m f
I too was wondering when this started as that makes a difference
this process of MLC takes time
My H in it over a year and he still looks different
very distant but he also comes around to connect and leave
they mostly do that..as they live in 2 worlds
no pressure and lots of space becomes our mantra as we painfully watch our spouse become everything they werent like a nightmare in progress
peace

[4myfamily]

Hi thanks for the replies. I believe the MLC started about 2 years ago when we moved to a new country.

The PA starting in Nov/Dec 2007.

I got the 'Bomb' early January 08 and the PA was discovered in early February 08.

W is here under the same roof as she does not want to leave the children. She attempted to sever ties with OM in early March.

I did some terrible backsliding last night as I got a bit angry, not sure where that came from as, until yesterday, I was feeling detached. Must get back to giving her more space.

[peacetoday]

4 my F
there is a thread that explains the stages
look around Im not sure where it is
usually bomb is about halfway done
but every sitch is different
peace

[stella_k]

Hello, 4MF, I found you

You probably know this one, but I thought I'd post it anyway:

reconnection

I have to run now, will talk to you later.

[stella_k]

((4MF)),

you are not still beating yourself up over your backslide, are you?

Let us know what's happening...

[stella_k]

4MF,

you didn't post for five days! Are you all right? Worried about you.