WAW...now the LBS Part 2

[HOPEFULinCALI]

jmw,

Thanks for the jmw boost. lol.

I should be happy that things are going better than they have in quite some time. Pitty that a bum knee was what it took. Now he can't run away from me. I repeat lol. Everyday is a new opportunity. This is a lesson for me in letting go of the past. Part of my 180. Thanks again

[jmw128]

Anytime, some HiC helped me with that perspective awhile back...lol. Pity a 2nd bum knee what it took...lol.

By the way, I am thinking next week I'll have something to tell DB coach. I really think things are a bit different. The real test is if she takes 5D to the 1 hour easter egg thing. We had talk earlier today and she was in a rush and specifically said, even though she wasn't and never was, "I am not being ugly but I really need to find out..." Really nice for her to specifically telling me she was I guess not going to be ugly and be nice...something like that...lol. Friendly conversations adding up...

you've been a huge help..thanks again.

gl2u

[jmw128]

Told WAW the easter egg thing. She said she would be uncomfortable and said I could take her and offered times. I believe, judging from her response, that she thought that she would take her and I wouldn't be there. Honestly, whether I was there or not did not seem to be a factor, I really think it was just her not knowing anyone. Thus, WAW going be going to a Sunday school class thing where WAW would know no one and her response seems almost obvious now. Still positive interactions for last several weeks...

HiC, how do I proceed? How do I know if we are getting to stage 2? What would be your tell-tale sign? Lack of anger, friendliness, does not seem to be the entire answer...how did you know? what do you think about what is going on with my sitch?

give us some updates? how's H's knee? are you the resident nurse??

gl2u

[HOPEFULinCALI]

jmw,

I'm confused as to why she assumed that you would not go if you are the one that brought the Easter egg hunt to her attention. I think she would understand that you would want to be involved for that experience with your D, particularly because it is a holiday. Will you be going to the Easter egg hunt with that understanding?

how do I proceed? How do I know if we are getting to stage 2? What would be your tell-tale sign? Lack of anger, friendliness, does not seem to be the entire answer...how did you know? what do you think about what is going on with my sitch?

You are right lack of anger and increased friendliness are not the entire answer. In my sitch being friendly meant that I was accomplishing the goals of Stage one. I felt that we were in Stage 2 when he would call, email, text, accept invites, extend invites all for non-business reasons. Even small gestures of your wife doing any or all of the above in my opinion would suggest that you are in Stage 2. A significant amount of your post point towards progress. It took some time before my H and I got to the point where you are now where all interactions are pleasant. Depending on the connection with another person friendships may take sometime to develop. In all of our cases past experiences will somewhat hinder us from developing the friendship than we would of someone that we just met, but it can be done. We have to rebuild that connection. I will check your posts to see if I can find some examples of friendship in your sitch.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friendship

give us some updates? how's H's knee? are you the resident nurse??

I am the resident nurse it seems. I has been some late nights for me lately: taking him dinner, cleaning up, taking care of the dog and running errands. He is in a tremendous amount of pain and I feel bad that I am only able to stop by or visit for a few hours. I am so greatful for this opportunity though. He really seems to opening up by joking with me and responding to me more. Funny thing occured the other day. I know that I have mentioned Facebook applications and I recieved a notification that he had checked out the inbox on one of my applications. It may not mean anything, but I find it funny that he is poking around when he shouldn't care. I hope that he is coming around b/c sometimes I feel like I am running on fumes. I now am amazed that he waited for me as long as he did. Please also pray for his salvation the enemy has a strong grip on him.

Check out newcomers also. I am going to post a request about defining the stages.

[Alone in Alabama]

Cali,

I have read most of you posts, but haven't seen. How old are you. I am just wondering as my STBXW is 31 and was just wondering. I know our sitch wasn't terminal, but she has never worked around 400 men and couldn't stand the attention from the other side of the fence.

[HOPEFULinCALI]

AiA,

I used to have it in my post but couldn't fit the additional information with the links to my other posts. I haven't checked your post, but I will stop by. Here are my Stats.

Me:28
H:26
T:8yrs
M:7yrs
Sep as WAW:10/06-7/07
Returned:7/07
His 1mo. trip overseas:8/07
Bomb:9/07
Sep as LBS:12/07-present

[Alone in Alabama]

Gotcha, have you read "Womens Infedility"? Just wondering if you thought it applied in your sitch. I think it did in mine, but the WAW doesn't talk about it. We signed final paperwork two weeks ago and she is involved with a MM. I don't think it will last but she talks so terminal with me.

I know that in the end she will see that we had something really good and will regret her decision, but I am trying to figure out how to make it okay for her to say it.

[HOPEFULinCALI]

AiA,

I looked it up on Amazon. Is it a woman's guide to and from infidelity? There has been no infidelity on my end and my H has had at the very least many EA's since dropping the bomb. He jumps from woman to woman. My hope is that he will soon realize that there is a reason that he can't hold a connection with these women at least not the connection that we share/d.

If I got the book wrong let me know the correct title. I am interested to know exactly what it is about.

There is another member on these threads who is in peicing. She said something to the effect that when her husband returned he expressed that he had felt for sometime like returning to the marriage, but felt like too much damage had been done. I think that is where my H is at right now. He has told everyone he is divorced and I know from past experience that he has a problem with telling the truth once he has committed himself to a lie.

Statistically speaking I am sure that she will realize the mistake that she has made. I pray that it is sooner rather than later. Hang in there.

[jmw128]

that he had checked out the inbox on one of my applications. It may not mean anything, but I find it funny that he is poking around when he shouldn't care.

ummm...I'd say that's positive, in a warped way. Spying on you? How many of us LBS's are curious about this that and the other. Just me, but if my WAW was looking at stuff, I'd feel good. Unless, obviously, if it was just to be done in a hurtful/manipulating manner.

I really appreciate your post regarding my sitch. It is so hard at times and others so easy. I get so hopeful, then get knocked down by something so simple. Like I told her today I was going to send her 5D pic by text that she had seen. No response when sent. Or called to ask about if 5D had easter basket for in the morning, got the machine, asked her to call let me know. She text 2-3 hours later. In the past certainly no call and no message to boot. Lack of calling should not make me feel down, but it does a bit.

I really appreciate you saying that "a significant amount of my post points toward progress" . That really is great to hear. Of course the follow-up definitely shows work still in store. Which is ok. I read a note she gave me years ago cleaning out truck that I have to trade-in...the contrast from then to now is stunning. One day...One day...I so thank you again for your insight...

Keep updating. I think it is great what he wants you to do for him. Focus on that. If I wanted a D, you wouldn't be there. It's a positive. I am telling you it is...you are doing great. Keep it up.

[jmw128]

HiC good morning...any updates.

quick question...you have said several times it took you thinking you would lose your H before the 'role reversal'. What made you think you were going to lose H?