H came over this evening. We had dinner and then he took S skating. After skating, H worked on his taxes here. It was almost like old times. He was pleasant, asked my opinion/advice about the taxes and I helped him out quite a bit. We had one tense moment when he realized he couldn't file his taxes because he needs my net income and I haven't yet started my taxes. He said he's now sitting in limbo waiting on his refund and can't do anything about it. I almost blurted out that if anyone has been sitting in limbo for the last several months it's been me, but instead I walked away, gained composure and said I would get my taxes done very soon and then he could go ahead and file his. After this, I went into the bedroom to read. Before H left, he came into the bedroom a couple of times, sat at the foot of the bed both times and talked about non R things (mainly about frustrations with work). We had a nice talk. I thanked him for spending time with S, that S really enjoys spending time with him. He said he couldn't come tomorrow because he works late and then plays hockey but would come again on Thursday to be with S while I go to my course.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Everything goes well, Addie. You did a great job handling the tense moment.
Proud of you!
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
I'm feeling a little down today. H hasn't been calling to talk to S on the days he doesn't see him. There was a time when he was calling every night to talk to S and then would talk to me as well but this has changed. He is coming by this evening while I go to a class.
Question - Next week I'm going away with S for a few days. I talked to H about it beforehand but am being vague about exact details. While I'm away, I don't plan on contacting H but have a feeling that he'll call my cell. Is it wrong to first of all not give him details about where I'm staying, exactly how long I'll be away and secondly to go completely dark and not respond until I get back? I'd like to create some mystery and to have H realize what it's like to not have us around - he hasn't felt this yet because he knows that we're available any time he feels he wants to drop by. I'd like other people's opinions because I fear my emotions may be getting the better of me right now.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
My H also drops by whenever he wants and I am going to put a stop to this very soon.
I think that you should probably answer some phone calls so he knows you are both ok. With that said I don't think it's necessary for YOU to call HIM. Let him call you but don't answer every call.
I think you were starting to get his attention but he has pulled back a bit. By being unavailable to him he will probaby fell pulled to you again. Remember the dance.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I agree with Jen. I think you should answer at least some of his calls, since you go away with S. The rest as you said - don't call him, don't give him any details, don't tell him when to expect you back. You can have a very brief conversation with H and then tell him you've got to go and hang up. It is not "completely dark", of course, but dark enough for him to get a taste of not having you around.
((hugs))
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
