RTL, you are an amazing father and one day your daughter will benefit from all your efforts. She will always know that no matter what, you fought for her and did not just walk away, it will make a huge difference in her life. Your evaluator sounds like a true professional and he will see this. I have not been able to find your whole sitch but the evaluator will see one thing. The fact your wife has allowed a 4 year old to know and see her with a man who is not the father, who may be temporary is beyond selfish. It is not the infidelity they worry about, it is the ability to involve the child, who may be further traumatized by forming an emotional attachment to another man who may not last at the same time as having her father disappear from her physical space. I think you will do just fine with the custody issue.
I too believe that RTL is going to come out just fine. His W may hold resentment, but that is her problem. I just hate to see people like her that use the kids like a bargaining chip.
Bizarre - Having my kids witness their mother kissing OM was the primary reason I filed for a D. I knew about OM and had told W to not introduce our kids to him while we were still married. I actually found out from the kids they were introduced and that W and OM were in a PA. Nice.
My L said I could get full custody, but I thought about it and realized that it was in their best interests to be in a 50/50 custody situation as W is actually a good mother. My situation is so strange in the OM at 68 is 31 years older than my W. The kids kind of think of him as a grandfather from W's side they never knew.
Well, things were fine w/ W and I yesterday. She called to make sure I knew how to get to D's daycare to pick her up in the morning and then she talked about the things they do at daycare and D's new school "she'll be going to."
I stopped her here and said "shouldn't we finish the custody thing before we start talking about where she's going to school?" W didn't like this and turned a bit cooler. She asked about selling the house "as is" and I told her we'd take an even bigger bath than we will now in this market, but I'll find a realtor to discuss thing with.
She went back to complaining about money spent and I told her she can have access to every record as they are here and I'll be turning them over to her attorney anyway. I again told her I didn't have anything I was hiding from anyone, so she'll see what the money was spent on.
W basically ended the call there, but I was able to talk w/ D for a good bit during converstations w/ W. Roughly an hour later, W sends texts in a more friendly tone asking for the mirror in the garage, extension cords, and a power strip. I replied kindly --- you know in the "yeah, sure. I'll get that stuff for you no problem" sort of way --- and W sent back nice texts thanking me and whatnot.
Well, that was then, this is now. At 7:20 this morning, I get a call from W saying she is "distrubed" over a conversation she had w/ D. D told her "Daddy doesn't let me wear clothes to bed and he touches me all night."
Well, of course W is going to freak out here and she did. W told me that D emphatically denied my touching her genitals, but still W is "freaked out" and doesn't want D to spend the night w/ me now. I told W it is false, D always is clothed for bed and that I'd be willing to talk w/ CPS about it right now as well as take a lie detector test.
W didn't respond, but said she had told daycare not to release D to me and that she needed to contact her lawyer. W then said "she shouldn't be sleeping with you" to which I replied, she's been sleeping w/ me b/c she's very insecure and clingy b/c she doesn't know when she'll see me again and she has no consistency.
W countered by saying she's sent me two proposals for seeing D more than I am now and I told her they weren't fair and equal proposals that allowed me 50% time w/ D.
Anyway, here I am waiting to hear from my L. I documented everything right away, sent an e-mail and placed a call. Hopefully, I'll hear something soon.
This is BS and W knows it. This is a serious charge and I can only hope it will backfire on W in my favor. However, it is terrifying for me to think about what could occur.
I have not and would never do anything to harm my D and from now on, she'll be back in her own bed whether she is freaked out or not. I can only hope the world will have the proper steps in place to make sure this outcome is what it should be and that my name is cleared b/c I've done nothing wrong.
This is the worst so far. I can only hope it doesn't go lower.
I just spoke w/ my L and he said he's seen this before and it is something that will work against W w/ our parenting evaluator. I can't do anything now but to sit tight and wait for things to happen. If W decides to withhold D from me this weekend, there is nothing I can do.
I am to bring this up to the evaluator on Tuesday when I see him and if W allows me to see D this weekend, I am to simply take it w/out question right now. I'm also supposed to pick something up to tape record all my conversations w/ W from now on.
This is awful. It is sad that she is becomming desperate and would resort to this tactic. I have always taken baths w/ D (w/ a suit or underwear on at all times) for the past 4 3/4 years and there was never a question. In fact, W would frequently yell "Daddy, are you going to get into the tub w/ D?" W knows I'm not like this and as long as custody wasn't an issue, this never crossed her mind.
This is pretty low and I'm trying hard not to become too angry at W for doing this to me. I have to continue to look at her as being broken here to make sure I don't start to hate her. It is hard to keep positive, but I can't allow myself to hate her or be angry by her actions. She doesn't know what she's doing.
As a teacher, I'm very concerned this could damage my reputation. If these allegations ever became public, I'd be black-listed. W is mean right now, but I'm not sure she's looking at the big picture and the effects of this on me (who she could care less about) and on our D. Right now, it is all about her and what she wants.
It is very sad. I miss my D. I haven't seen her since March 13th when I dropped her off at school. Now, I may not see her again any time soon. Very sad.
Wow! Gosh, this just gets worse. I'm so sorry for you, you sound so calm in your posts, but you cant surely be? I emailed you some stuff about her parents...but your Ws irrational fear of being terrified of you and now this, being afraid for her D (what W would automatically jump to THAT conclusion when shes lived with you and knows you are just a loving Dad??)..it all makes me wonder about her R with her own father. I'm just saying. This stuff is so out of kilter.
Try not to worry about the school and all that..wouldnt she have to make some specific allegation? Sounds like she is in a dark place to be honest, to be able to twist things in her mind the way she is. I wish you had her birth time as you said! I'd love to know if she is having a Pluto transit, because it sure sounds that dark and destructive to me. Still, no way of getting it. Anyway, I dont know what to advise or how to help you, I really dont... except, this is very serious now... I wonder what anyone else thinks, but I'm inclined to think, sod the DBing, you need to stand up for yourself and tell her in no uncertain terms that you are horrified by her insinuation that she has no right to keep your D from you, shes your D too !!! Why does she get to decide when you see her?? I dont get it. Why doesnt your D live with you and you tell your W she can collect her next Tuesday or whatever. It makes no sense to me.
Follow your L advise, but also, I dont know, if it were me, I would have to speak up in my defence here, despite DBing?
Ali
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
D needs to sleep alone in her own bed and she needs to sleep with clothing on. If you agree to make these things a reality via email, then you may pick up D at her daycare. I will call them and tell them to release her to you. The original time of 4pm on Sunday, March 23 as a return still stands.
After hearing from my L, my reply was:
Quote:
You know I have never slept with D with her unclothed. In any event, I will agree to your conditions.
I will return D to you at 4 pm at (drop off location). You will need to inform me of where to meet you on Sunday.
Finally, I will have D call you, as usual, at 8 pm tonight.
I can't believe I have to justify this to anyone. Also, if W was so afraid of my being inappropriate w/ D, why would she release her to me today?
I'm very, very ticked off right now and I think my reply was good and to the point. This is a new low for W. Why let me have her if I'm truly a menace?
It doesn't add up, but I get to go see my D right now.
I am impressed by the way you are handling all this. Ever since you focused on you D and yourself you sound like a much stronger and confident person. She is playing tricks with you that may cost her her credibility. From now on, I would expect ANYTHING from her.
RTL, you are right, if your wife believed for one moment that something wrong was going on between you and a four year old, she would never release her to you. As far as I can tell, there is no court order for her to let you see your D. So if she was worried she would just not give her to you. She has sealed her own fate in the custody battle with this, because the first thing the court will say is why did allow D to go with him. making accusations and not backing them up with actions is not a good idea. These charges are taken very seriously and it is so good you involved your L. You should record everything. It is absurd, your w is worried about money yet she has no problem running up legal bills for you both. It sounds like she wants revenge not a divorce. She should not be questioning your D about abuse unless she has real evidence. She is damaging this child and making a tough situation even worse. Deal with your l and the court, not your W. by making this accusation she has put you into a situation where , right now you can't trust her in any way.
