I will continue to distance and I will not say ILY. But I will keep saying thank you's and smiling (even though I never see him), and I will try to compliment him and validate him whenever possible. He will have to earn the next ILY that he gets from me.
I have to get better at the IGNORING thing as I often give in when he starts to send me mean texts that say that I just dont love him or accept him. I tend to cave and text him back saying things like: "even though I am really hurt I have never stopped loving you", - I know - Its not good DBing - but sometimes I feel like I cant help it. This is something I have to work at.
*Interesting fact: I have kept an ongoing Log of all of our interactions for the last 3 years since he started his crisis. I have noticed a definite pattern of his coming and going cycles. However this time it is different. - Usually after he goes, I wont see or hear from him for about a month or two, then he starts getting angry and mean and telling me he wants a D for a few weeks, then he gets really nice and helping and curious, then he says he wants to come back and work on M. - This time, I was the one that said our M couldnt work if he is drinking and going to the bars so much, so he left saying "you just dont accept me". After he left though, the pattern was different. He started calling and leaving notes in my house within the first week. Then he started being really nice and helpful. But now he is kindof being a little rude/mean and blaming.
The pattern definitely changed, I just hope its for the better. I know he is an alcoholic right now and we cant be healthy together until he realizes its a problem and tries to fix it. I just dont know if he will ever want to fix it- he seems to be having a blast living the HIGH LIFE. He even told his parents last week when they confronted him about his drinking, "that if he wanted to stop drinking, that he could" with a smirk on his face.
All I know is that I still love him with all my heart and I want our M to be better, but it seems it is all up to him, the cards are in his hands. TIPPER
