Please Help, Divorce Almost Final!!!

[jerry161]

My wife and I married young. We have three children and are on our third home together. Our relationship has consisted of a circle of disfunction. What happens is we power struggle in the relationship. When she is happy it's because she has the power and I am worried about losing her so I do what she wants and in a way am not myself anymore. Then the same thing happens but to her. We can never seem to be on an equal plane.

This year I wanted to re-invent our relationship totally, starting with regular weekly dates with her. We have had lots of financial trouble and I even suggested that we sell the house and downgrade until she completes school. Then we would have more money, which is primary reason why we do not go out sometimes.

Well, I am too late. She has moved about in early Feb, and is pushing ahead with the divorce and is also seeing OM. I feel like the only way I may find inner peace is to let her go and hope that she returns, at which time I will know she really wants to be there. Bad thing is, I can't see anything changing in the next six weeks. The uncertainty of the timetable and not knowing if she will ever come back is eating me alive. We have been living apart and I really miss her, but I have done EVERYTHING I should not have been doing to try to get her back. I really think I found DB too late. We exist only as co-parents. I have started the 180 this week but I think it is too late.Had I started earlier there may have been a chance. Already this week she texted me saying it was okay to say hi and talk to her, like she was upset that I stopped calling her. I want to do something to convince her but I know at this time I might be counter productive. I have done major improvement to myslef over the last month and she has said she sees it but she still does not want to come back. I just don't know how to step away. I know she has the caring kind of love for me, but not the exciting kind of love. (she loves me but is not in love with me)

Now that OM is involved I am absolutely crushed even worse. She says she is not "doing" anything with him and I believe her, but it hurts to know that someone else is even "sitting in my chair" so to speak. I am very heartbroken.

What do I do?? I am dying inside. I can imagine the elation when she comes back, but if she doesn't..........