sounds like he did want some sort of affirmation to me. It's unbelievable how fragile they are when they come home.
We need to reassure them that we are going to be there without doing too much pushing to talk about the relationship and where it is heading etc. We need to be a good listening and encouraging ear without being pushy. It's a delicate balance.
He's right. You can't help him. He does have to work through it on his own and I think that you could actually let him know that you are aware that the work is his to do, but that you will be there in whatever way he needs you to be even if it's just a shoulder to cry on or whatever. I think him just knowing that you are committed to the marriage for a long time will do a lot for him right now.
They know the damage they have done and the havoc they have created and it's hard for them to imagine that after all that you are still around to help pick up the pieces.
BFM
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
It was a kodak moment last nite....i was in my recliner with a dog in my lap a cat on the head rest, H had a cat and a dog in his lap and 2 dogs by our feet. H is smiling and says..."look at this they so calm and happy...."IM SO HAPPY" He went on to say our family is complete and it doesnt get any better than this!
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
NOTHING...HE SUGGESTED GOING OUT TO EAT W/ WARREN...I SAID HOW ABOUT A MOVIE OR BOWLING...HE SHRANK AWAY FROM THAT AND SAID WE'D SAVE MONEY FOR WHEN WE GO OUT IN APRIL TO SEE LARRY THE CABLE GUY....SEEMS TO NOT WANT TO DO STUFF YET. HE JUST DARTED RIGHT BACK INTO THE TUNEL ON THAT ONE....FUNNY COS HE SUGGESTED BOWLING A COUPLE MONTHS AGO.
HES STOPPING AT WARRENS EVERYNITE ALL OF A SUDDEN..HE LIVES IN SAME BUILDING AS COW...SO WHO IS HE SEEING I WONDER. SO HIS TRUCK CAN BE PARKED THERE W/NO QUESTIONS...SIGH
Last edited by a new 2moro; 03/21/0804:09 PM.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
NO NOT ALL NITE..COMES HOME AFTER 7...GETS OUT OF WORK AT 4:30
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Can you verify that he is at Warren's the entire time?
HAve you told him that it makes you feel uncomfortable that he goes over there EVERY FREAKING DAY? This is tough b/c we aren't supposed to give them ultimatums but jinkies! this seems to getting ridiculous!
Do you cook dinner every nite?
If he suggests going out with Warren and his wife for dinner then maybe you should do it...ask him to take a walk with you just around your property or whatever...you know, just do something that is non-threatening...just go for a walk together--like two friends...
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
Are you planning to try some of the ideas about buying some lingerie and such? I think it might be exciting for him to have you dress a little provocatively and then not approach him at all. Just let his imagination run wild. It is worth a try.
I agree that telling him honestly in a non-threatening manner that his spending so much time in the building that COW lives in, makes you feel uncomfortable might be a good idea. But since my H doesn't even talk to me, I may be all wrong on this.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
I TRY SAYING PROVACATIVE THINGS ---NOTHING. I GAVE HIM A SEXY CARD--HE SAID ITS CUTE.....HE HUGS KISSES HOLDS BUT THERE IS A LINE AND HE IS NOT CROSSING IT ANYTIME SOON. YOU CAN FEEL IT IN HIS KISSES AND BODY LANGUAGE.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Men are visual, saying provocative things is not he same as seeing you looking HOT and you not approaching him just staying just out of his reach. JMO, I so understand your frustration and disappointment. Are you going to counseling? Maybe you both just need a safe place to talk about your fears. I remember he wanted to go, didn't he?
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
