Relationship talk avoidance

[troubled_husband]

I am realitively new to these discussions, but here is my thoughts. Take them or leave them.

I actually set up a new email account to access this board to avoid the 'traceability'. It's pretty easy to do with yahoo and all the other service providers out there.

One of the biggest issues in codependency (and I admit to being codependent) is that it causes people to continually reduce their social circles and outlets. Boards like this help us explore moving out of that isolation. That is also part of DBing if I understand it correctly.

When I signed on up on this board, I didn't include my email because I was waiting to see what type of people were here. (I am an adult and responsible for my own behaviors.) Even that recently, it was an option in the personal profiles, so the argument that it has always been a policy is in fact the exact opposite of the truth, therefore a lie. It may have been a policy for actual discussions, but not the personal profile.

If someone came to a CoDA group and behaved and talked like this, the first thing most of us would think was - how controlling and codependent. The excuses given seem to really be rationalizations as a reason to control others. If there are business reasons, be honest. That is what relationship and taking responsibility for personal actions is all about. You people pay to run this board, so make the decisions. Just please think about the impact that you are having by your communications style. And also think about the example it sets. If we take the example, it will mean that half truth is acceptable in DBing. Is that the example that you want to be giving?

I understand limiting the content of replies of abusive people. But building social circles is a necessity of recovery and also of becoming healthy people, which is (as I understand it) a DB principle.


My 12 step group has a phone list with a policy, put your name on it only if you are willing to take calls. It is how recovery and programs work. Do people abuse it, sometimes. Does that mean that we should stop it, NO. It is essential to the process. One of our group who is also a recovering addict was on travel last week and it was these contact lists that help keep him from falling of the wagon.

If these boards are really for support in recovering relationships, the Google argument is actually a perfect one for allowing, not removing, private contacts. There is a limit to what I will post on a public discussion about my situation for exactly that reason. A private contact would allow me to explain better to those who might really help.

toubled husband