I wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts. I'm not sure if there is anything any of us can say during these times to make it better. It is strange, being on the other side of it, divorced, moved on, in a position where I realize I wouldn't take my husband back now if he wanted to come back, etc. When you are where you are at, you never imagine that place. You can't imagine getting to that point. It seems impossible. And no one can really make you believe that you will be okay, but you will. As humans, we have this uncanny way of surviving, growing, and making choices to learn what we can from crummy situations to make our lives better. You control that and you can and will make your life wonderful and you will have many good days ahead and a great life. It will take time. It will take healing. It will take day by day steps and then it will continue to take healing even once you have moved on. But it will get better.
When we are left by our spouses, we are overwhelmed. All we can think is about getting them back. Yet, if they were sorry and wanted to come back, would we take them back? We say yes and think absolutely that we would, but it isn't that simple. Your husband has done a lot and put you through a lot. He has made a choice to walk away from his life with you and your children. And in the end, if he were the one pursuing you, I don't think it would be an easy answer for you regarding taking him back and rebuilding. You are committed to your marriage, I truly believe that I was too. I would have done anything. But in the end, when the other person isn't committed, there is NOTHING we can do to really change that. We can DB our butts off to make our life better but when we are DBing to try and get that person back to us, well that isn't really dbing and it won't change things really. Because in the end, that person, your husband, has to figure this out on his own, in his time, and in his way. And that sucks! It really does. But you can't control it sweetie and it isn't fair and it isn't what you wanted or expected from your life or marriage or what you would have chosen. But it is what it is because it is what he has done and chosen. And you can't heal him or fix him. He has to do that himself. And it may be months, years, or he may never get to that place. In the end though, he will have done so many painful things to break up your marriage that it would be so difficult to recover from. Not impossible, but difficult. So keep that in mind. Keep in mind that really, you made mistakes probably in your marriage, but you were committed to it, and in the end, he is the one that is making the choice to end it and you can't fix that, and it isn't something to respect. If he were pursuing you, would he be a man you could respect and trust and love again fully? A lot would have to change. And it may or may not change in the future. Only time can tell. It truly sucks, but you have to move on with your life, move on, and see what the future will bring. You do have the control to make your future great.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
