I wasn't sure where to post this so I put it here and in the Separated area. Sorry for the double post.
I don't even really know where to start to explain my story. H has been thinking about leaving for a little over a year. I didn't know that he was feeling this way until recently. We decided to see a MC, but after 2 sessions it was pretty obvious that he felt it was too late. He says he doesn't love me anymore, and he doesn't think counseling can fix this. He left on March 7. We have two kids, S4 and D2. S4 is struggling to understand this. D2 is doing OK for now, but only because she is too young to realize what is going on.
Basically, this is where we are now. H is staying at his grandmother's house, but he just got an apartment. We also just bought a piece of land that he intends to help me build a house on for the kids and I to live in. He wants to keep our existing house, but the kids and I are staying in it for the time being.
I work for H's family, so that is pretty difficult. His parents are completely on my side in this. They do not understand how he can just walk away from his family without trying to first repair whatever damage is there. It just doesn't make sense to them.
I have continued the counseling on my own to help me get through this. I have spoken to H, and he knows how I feel. I told him that I wanted slow things down. It feels like we are on a speeding freight train careening towards inevitable divorce. He has agreed to slow things down. He says that nothing is permanent, but that right now he feels like this is what he wants.
He wanted to share an attorney, but I told him no. I have already consulted an attorney. There are several in the family. I told H that I did not want to share an attorney because I do not want this divorce. I know that if we share one, I will be doing all the legwork and he will just sign the papers. I told him that I didn't want to hold his hand and walk him through the process of divorcing me. If he wants to do that, he has to do it on his own. I also told him that I love him and that if I just let him walk away that easily, I would regret it for the rest of my life.
I haven't read the books mentioned here, but I have been lurking for a week or so. I ordered DR from amazon last night, and it should arrive sometime today. Any advice in the meantime would be great. H is coming over today to help with some house repairs, and I don't know how I am supposed to act in front of him. I know I am not supposed to get emotional, but this is still so fresh. I am having a hard time keeping my emotions in check. Please help me get through this. I don't want my marriage to end.
