Any hope/suggestions after over 2 years?

[believeinlove]

My WAH left me over 2 years ago and moved 3000 miles 6mths ago.

He won't talk to me anymore since I didn't want to sign a separation agreement. I'm trying to find a place between letting go and getting scr**wed. My heart wants me to just sign away it all and hope he'll be friendly enough after that to have some kind of relationship. But it's really not fair in that I've spent all my savings, keeping the same lifestyle (middle-class not extravagent). He says he's going to serve me.

We don't own any property. Have no children (after several years of unsuccessful infertility treatment). I've not had much work this year, earn less than he and will have to get a roommate I don' t want if he refuses to help financially.

Should I just forget it? I get nothing it seems after 13 years of marriage, but broken promises, dreams and at my age I may never meet another man I'll love. I don't know if I can get over this. I've GAL and I just wonder if it's even possible?

Thanks for any insights, suggestions etc.

[Ellis]

Hi - I am going though a somewhat similiar situation but not as long. My H left me, cheated on me and my D 6 months ago, I had just turned 40 and he filed for divorce immediately and is now living with a coworker as we go through divorce court. The last thing he said to me a month ago was - cant you move on? We were together 20 years and its easy for him because he moved on within the marriage and Im still in this house with my daughter - hes a single guy now living it up. I fought it for months - begged pleaded - ranted and raved. Now we dont talk at all. I dont even know who he is aymore or who he has become. I think though the more you push and go against the divorce the more they want to get away from you. I found DBing too late - so much damage had been done - we fought and I begged too much making a fool out of myself. Now he wants nothing to do with me becuase I only convinced him to keep going with the divorce and solidified in his mind all the faults he found with me - who wants to come back to a complete wreck who told him what a horrible person he was for cheating but then is depressed and crying the next when his major complaint when he left me was I was nagging, no fun and negative. I have moved on. I have let go - oh it is still hard every day I think about him and us and wonder if he will ever change his mind.
Anyway - Im still going through this myself and as you can tell my story is not a success but what I can tell you is the more you tell him you dont want the divorce and fight it and run after him the more he will think he really wants the divorce. Dont call him or have contact - let go - I think that is your only chance at moving on and your only chance of having him take a second look back if he ever does. The whole thing I learned about DBing (too late for me of course) is the more you run after them the more they just want to get away but sometimes when you stop, get a life and let go - they turn around and say hey wait a minute. I know its not fair - I say that to myself every day - here he is single and living with someone - he left me when I was a stay at home mother after 6 years and I am a single working mother now doing it all on my own and he barely sees my daughter - we are in an area that I moved to for his job - I have no family here and I am starting completly over at 40. I think the same thing - who am I going to meet at 40 and where? Im going to lose my house and everything. But if its been a few years and hes not talking to you - you just have to let go best you can.
Take care

[cat03]

I also been on the boards since late 05, I can half relate.

Seems you hanged on for a very long time, with him gone away so far, it does seem like it is time to move on. I'm curious as if why you still expect him to help you financially if there are no children no other property to talk about.

13 years is a long time... (and Ellie, 20? wow). We gave so much of our lives to our Hs...BUT, there is still lots of time before us. Yes, a good chunk of our lives are gone with them, but I refuse to think of them as lost, I lived a good life and had happy years which I'll treasure.

We should've becomed better persons through DB, if not for another R then for ourselves, that this trial have served to forge better, stronger wiser persons, that our battle scars remind us that we fought with courage and that we have it in us to live a happy life regardless. My best wishes to you believeih, we may/may not find another partner, but our happiness depends on us, not in another person.

It is hard to begin a new path, but I'm confident as we take one small step after the other we will become stronger, we have a new future to forge and right now it looks hazy since we thought we had it all figured out with our Hs, but in time we will be able to dream up a new happy future for each of us.