As for the mean stuff he says - he has to do this to justify his behavior. He has to demonize you, because otherwise he's just an a-hole who left his wife when she was sick.
And I know it's tough when you have an "invisible" disease. I had thyroid problems which were really quite disabling for a while; but because my husband couldn't "see" my illness, it wasn't quite real to him. I'm sure he'd have been a much better husband if I'd had polio or cancer or some more "visible" illness. Jerk.
That being said - don't underestimate the difficulty your H may have had living with your illness. In a way, it robbed him of the wife he had, the life he had or expected to have. Not that it excuses his behavior in any way.
As for you - it's important to make decisions for YOU. If you ASSume that the aliens that have taken over his body are going to occupy it for, say, the next five years - how will you live your life? What dreams of yours have you put on hold for your H, that you could dust off and polish? What clever ways could you put your brainpower to work to earn a fabulous living on your own? What could you be doing TODAY to get joy out of life? Don't let your husband's weakness and stupidity rob you of a minute of living. What are your dreams and goals? Could you siphon a little money out of the family accounts and take off for a European vacation? Some real 180 that would surprise him - or at least fulfill one of your dreams?
As for the weekend with H - don't be there for any part of it you don't want to be. If the convos get too uncomfortable, suddenly "remember" a social obligation you have to go to. You don't have to participate in any conversations that you don't choose to.
