The biggest problem I see here is that you are a pushover. Your reasons for staying marriage are a bunch of excuses for her poor behavior. Your 10 short term goals have some good things and you have done some good things by going to counseling and Codependent Anon. However, the most troubling thing you are doing is keeping your sons in an extremely unhealthy situation. Your wife knows you will do nothing. You have proven that. And to be honest, my main goal would be to get my sons out of a terrible situation.
Also, I just don't see enough about the dynamics of your situation. How does she abuse your sons? Is it random? As you can see my main concern is for them.
And to be honest, Troubled, no one can give you any good ideas with so many holes in your story. I am not suggesting that your are deliberately misrepresenting, but to put a puzzle together, one needs to have all the pieces. The main thing is that you are giving short shrift to your wife's abhorrent behavior.
So there are definitely people here with ideas, but we need more from you.
