We still may go to Vermont. It's 4 hrs to the North. I don't know what I could do to do a 180. Maybe not ask her where she is going and what she is doing. Very hard! i just want to get away. i have gone away 4 out of the last 5 weekends just to give her space. Maybe I will stay home and just hang with my other sons and stay out of my W's hair.
Mentally: I see a pysc every other week. It is so great! I love it. Keeps me very grounded. He let's me know that I am going to be fine and I am not nuts (yet).
Physically: I work out like a dog every other day, sometimes up to 2 hrs per day. I stopped drinking in August when all this really started and eat really well, not enough, but really well. I love to get my endorhines flying. Love to ski and play golf. At 48 I may be in the best shape of my life.
Spiritually: May need a little work. My sister is working on this with me. She sent me this prayer today:
A Prayer for Healing from the Pain of Divorce
I am holding it all together on the outside, God, but on the inside my heart is crushed. I never imagined the future without her. I never imagined myself with her.
Help me, God. Give me the courage to face the past and to learn from it. Remind me to take the past and to learn from it. Remind me to take the take the time to grieve for all that is no more. I feel so alone. Be with me, God. Teach me to believe that here is hope for me, that I will love again.
Heal my heart, God. Fill me with the strength to gather up all the broken pieces, and begin again.
