My story, please help

[GavinO]

Finishd work today and went to my parents for a bit. W called me at 18:30 to ask when I'd be home as we said we'd get together to discuss (divorce) things, she said that she'd be happy with 10K (GBP)(20k USD), she'd looked at it as that seemed about right. (me buying her out was a possibility. How I'll afford a 335k mortgage on 40k I don't know)but we'll discuss it later

She mentioned her new job but again we'll discuss it later.

I said i'd be back at 19:00 ish. I also though f*uck that and didn't want to discuss divorce stuff as it wears a bit thin when it is the main topic your wife talks to you about, also not sure i want to give her 10k so she can dissapear (time is a nessecity etc). I text at 19:15 that i would be home later (GAL and that, also I'll do what I want to do etc)

I got home and she called out for me and left the front door open, she went upstairs and we chatted briefly about her sister going to hospital for a back thing and a bit about her trial day (today), she has an interview tomorrow at 2pm. She was a bit p!ssy about me being back late as we were going to discuss (prob divorce stuff) and it was too late for that.

She avoided looking at me for pretty much all the time, she sniped only once (progress? lol) then she went to bed (left door half open for a change ish) and chatted with a friend on the phone, she said she was worried about her sister and didn't have anyone to talk to (er hello, husband here?!?) she also mentioned that she was moving to her parents next week. The conversation was done reasonably loudly. I didnt get a good night or anything (normally do albeit in response to mine)

Anyway I do want to say:

'WHAT THE F*CK IS F*CKING WRONG WITH THESE SPOUSE B4STARDS WHERE THEY JUST SEEM TO SWITCH OFF EVERYTHING FEELING WISE AND NICE WISE TOWARDS THEIR (in my case, husband)SPOUSE AND ACT LIKE RIGHT F*CKING BAGS OF 5HIT TOWARDS EVERYTHING THAT YOU (In my case, me) ARE, AND EVERYTHING THAT YOU HAVE DONE TOGETHER, AND THEY ARE JUST CHUCKING IN EVERYTHING(in our case - Me (someone who loves her and just was not a good husband for a bit)a fantastic house, cat and our future together.

Part of me wants to scream 'F*ck off then if thats how you feel and don't want to do anything at all for our relationship, even f*cking murderers get appeals, couples have physical abuse and affairs and get through it why can't you accept its been a rough patch and us sort it out, no one can understand why you are thundering towards divorce like a train!'

(I think I have said similar to her mind - not my finest moment lol)

Ok some bits she has told me why she is getting divorced:

1) I don't love you anymore
(A)Love is an action not just an emotion, you do loving things then you can feel love etc.

2) I don't want to be with you anymore
(A) Thats cr4p, I'm great, and people like me and I'm nice too and I love her and want us to have a great relationship. A

3) She can't forgive me for how I acted when she has a misscarriage (never new if it was or just a heavy period - doctor could not confirm. If she was pregnant then it would have been no more than 2 weeks. - I said 'At least we won't have to sell the house or cars' Not a good thing to say really (people have said and done worse) but I hugged her and comforted her and made her coffee and sat with her. This was 2 years ago by the way.
(A) F*ck, aren't you overreacting a bit really?!? - Honestly?

4) I'm a lazy f*ck, never did anything, she was the one that pushed me and got us to where we are. Also do nothing round that house.
(A)Er, she has been in the same job for 10 years, I have had several including 100k a year contract work and now a highly paid professial job, I did a 2 year qualification in 3 months and a further qualification while I was out of work for 6 months - We got where we are because of US working TOGETHER, not her pushing me. I agree that I did not do much about the house so she got me there really.

5) She can never forgive me for laughing at her when she broke her coccyx (not sure of spelling but basically it is your a$$). I did nothing around the house and she had to mow the lawn, (then we flew abroad for a friends wedding a week later)
(A) Er, what can I do when you have a broken a$$??? - I comforted her as much as possible, she broke it on a monday and I work during the week, she did stuff around the house when she could because a) I was not there but she was b) it was normally fairly tidy anyway d) something for her to do as such. Ok I didn't mow the lawn and she did, maybe I should have mown the lawn but is it that bad?

6) She hates my parents (disproportionately)
(A) My parents are not me, yes they chucked their burdens on us and asked opinions and help with my sisters who were going through a bad patch, which has affected our relationship/marriage. They are an outside influence, this has stopped etc.

7)She didnt want me to do contract work but I did and I stayed away and left her.
(A) Ok she did not want me to contract but was happy with a 100k income, also I stayed away for 3 nights a week for 2-3 months, I drove to and from every day for the rest of the 14 months so I could come back and see her - this was 250 miles a day with a full 8-10 hour day at the office.

8) I never supported her
(A) I did 90% of the business and finance part of the business we were going to set up (went down due to fraud on the finance broker's side. Rather than go into details I'll just say have supported her. Ok I told her not to talk about her job too much (was getting a bit much as it would go on for ages when she got home - stressful care job) Sorry about that, lets talk about it then.

9) I never showed I loved her.
(A) maybe the wrong love language at times, but I always gave her back and foot rubs (5-7 a week!!), ran her a bath ready for when she finished work after me, did loads of little errands for her like getting bits from the shop, getting practically anything for her at any time really. I have c0cked up on the quality time thing (primary LL) over the last year and the last 6 months (to Jan) I was struggling with depression (only 'discovered' it in Feb due to divorce) so not really responsive, I just played on the computer and smoked maruauna (yes me too lol, given up though - not good stuff really) and was depressed. We did not a lt together over this time and looking back she did try loads and i did not repond (depression).

Sorry for venting but it is frustrating getting stonewalled at every turn. I feel (felt, I'm stronger now) like a mouse against a cat - Tom and Jerry style where no matter where the mouse tries to go it gets stopped by the cat.

Also frustrating is the absolute lack of any emotion like regret, remorse, compassion and such like, although there has been the occasional teary look whe we discussed what went wrong and another when I pushed a lot.

I think it is a bit much and really believe that the reasons are cr4p and are things that can easily be overcome, IF she wants to but she doesn't.

Would you divorce someone for the reasons above? or is it all a bit extreme, also why the heading for divorce like a train, no councelling, separation or anything like that.....over?!?!?!?!? Divorce....End.

Anyone got any suggestions or advice?!?


(Bangs head against wall)

Sorry for long post


BY THE WAY I STILL LOVE MY WIFE LOTS AND WANT TO SORT THINGS OUT