So sorry to hear about your rough time right now. It's "normal" to go through this as part of abandonment. You're not a fool. You probably made some mistakes in your relationship, like we all do, but you had no way to see this coming and you don't deserve what you're going through, but you are going through it nonetheless. I've just started reading Stumbling on Happiness, and basically the author is saying that we humans think about the future an awful lot, but we are really lousy at predicting what will happen to us and pretty bad, a lot of the time, at being able to control it. Yet we fantasize about having control, because it makes us feel better, at least temporarily. So I doubt you or I or Ali or anyone here really could have seen what hit us.
The pain is awful, both physically and emotionally. And from what I have read, and experienced myself, we cycle through things at unpredictable speeds and times. So, just when we feel we're making progress, we spiral back to where we were before. The key is to keep working in a healthy way, to keep facing your emotions squarely instead of running from them. That's hard to do. Yet we must do it if we are to heal.
For you or anyone reading this dealing with the pain of abandonment, I highly recommend Susan Anderson's work in this area.
Take care, and take it one moment at a time. Live in the now as best you can, even if the "now" is only five minutes here and there. Hopefully you would then be able to expand that so that you are focused less on the past or the future. We really only have right now, and right now life doesn't really include our spouses. Take care.
