I could have posted this in the WAS forum, or Midlife Crisis, but since our problems really started with an affair I will do it here. We have been married for 18 years. I have moved around all my life with and for my H, left 2 jobs for him, each after 8 successful years. Shortly after I quit the last job I became extremely ill with Lyme, and even though I have recovered quite well I will never be able to work full time again and will likely need antibiotics for the rest of my life. We had a harmonic marriage and were always supportive of each other. 5 months ago my H took on a promotion in Atlanta and we both agreed that it would be best for me to stay behind in Charleston, SC to sell our house. He came home every weekend (still does even though he clearly does not want to) and we talked 2-3 times a day (not anymore). 6 weeks ago he informed me that he had started an affair, with an 8 year older coworker no less. The more his feelings for her increased, the more they declined for me, and at this point he wants out of the marriage. Of course I did all the things that one should not do before reading DR. Now I know what do do and what not, I`m in between the 180 and the last resort, and had 1 DB coaching lesson. I`m still totally at a loss what to do when he wants to talk THE TALK. I told him that IMO at this point we should not make any final decisions, both of our feelings being so in turmoil. My situation being as it is he has a lot to lose in every possible way, but financially too. Which I told him before DR and it did not go over well. He is still in "the fog", has not ended the affair. I know they want to, only not to lose their jobs though. She is trying to find somethings else. When the affair first started we agreed that after selling the house we should rent a house there together and wait until I got back on my feet. Whatever that means; and easier said than done in my situation. But his attitude changed over time, now he wants me to either stay here or have 2 households there. Yesterday he sent a very cruel email that had me crying all day, counting all my "faults" that never bothered him before. A lot of his sudden resentment is about my illness, which makes this so much worse. There is not much I can do about having to go to see my specialist in Washington DC or the meds or rest I need. He claims that`s all my life is about. Which is nonsense of course, but he suddenly seems to resent everything about me. I`m attractive, and I mostly don`t look sick, so that`s not it. Ever since I started feeling better about 3 years ago I have been applying for part time jobs in my field, but had no luck. There are not many to begin with and for all of them I was over-qualified, which seems to be worse than not having any qualifications at all. Now he will be home in a few hours, for a long weekend and I just don`t know how to avoid the issue when he insists. He alreaady accused me of procrastinating.I also wonder if, when he is so far gone in his crazy mind, it will be worth the pain if I try to ride it out. The way he is acting now he reminds me of a bucking colt. He has no remorse, then this new cruelty, cold as ice (he was usually rather nice and gentle). Now I just don`t know if HE is worth it. I don`t even like him anymore, let alone love. He was always somewhat introverted and emotionally distant, but had a lot of good in him too. It`s like some evil twin has replaced my H.
