Well everyone, hope this post finds the right "ears"
Three days ago, after a bit of leading from some fellow standers, etc al -> I decided to send my wife the dreaded Dvd ti test the water, so to speak
Anyways, I still had the Dvd wrapped from December 2006 (Little Shop Of Horros) and attached a card to it AND (gasp) a single red rose...
The inscription on the card read: "Hi W - To the good times -> 'H'"
So yesterday, I got "Courier Joe" to deliver the parcel to my W at her place of work - he returned empty handed and said my W had asked what it was to which he told her he didn't know and that she must oepn it to find out.
Apparently she did not open the parcel in front of "Courier Joe" but she did have at least a 6 minute chat with him about our cats, the house, business, etc!
She mentioned she was missing the cats and also asked how the 4th kitty was doing = the last feral "we" rescued before her departure...
She reveled she had knowledge of my dancing and the new vehicle in our Company Fleet (all via her "spy" on our property I guess).
A few "negatives" were mentioned about the upkeep of the house in that it was run down, etc - there was a brief period last year when the grass got a tad on the long side due to Courier Joe being too busy with our business day to day operations to mow the lawn - all things considered the house is looking neat in any case
Right, so fast forward to this evening after going to watch a local production of Handel's Messiah, I went to check the post box on returning home.
Sigh, there was the entire parcel I had sent to my wife with a note stapled to the outside:
"Please refrain from sending me gifts - the feelings are not mutual - rather give me my divorce!
At least she actually removed the wrapping paper to see what's inside
Sooooooooo, not happy to get a small gift but *very* happy to take two thousand five hundred rand from me every month??
Sigh, there was the entire parcel I had sent to my wife with a note stapled to the outside:
"Please refrain from sending me gifts - the feelings are not mutual - rather give me my divorce!
At least she actually removed the wrapping paper to see what's inside
Yep, it is interesting that your W made the effort to open the parcel. Is it also possible that she was hoping the D papers were inside? I respect your choice to not grant a D to your W. Whatever you do, please also be careful that she doesn't get the impression that you are being mean to her by not granting her the D. Does she know that you're not being vengeful? Just my 2 cents... -PH
Yep, it is interesting that your W made the effort to open the parcel. Is it also possible that she was hoping the D papers were inside? I respect your choice to not grant a D to your W. Whatever you do, please also be careful that she doesn't get the impression that you are being mean to her by not granting her the D. Does she know that you're not being vengeful? Just my 2 cents... -PH
Thanks for the input ph & yes I've been wondering for a loooooooooong time now whether my wife "understands" that I'm actually standing for our marriage AND why
How would I "break" that news to her though at this point -> it seems anything I might do or say IS going to be merely seen as me being stubbor / obstructionist, etc?
Quoting scripture is probably going to seem elitist although I don't think she's been told about and/or shown the verse in Malachi about divorce OR the one about the husband NOT granting his wife a divorce, either...
Hey CM, the thing is that we are all in different places. Quoting scripture to her may appear to be a holier than though thing to do.
Just keep doing what you feel you need to do and quit worrying about justifying your actions to her. People who justify their actions without being directly questioned appear to have alterior motives.
Hey CM, the thing is that we are all in different places. Quoting scripture to her may appear to be a holier than though thing to do.
Thanks Ian - that was what I thought
Just keep doing what you feel you need to do and quit worrying about justifying your actions to her. People who justify their actions without being directly questioned appear to have alterior motives.
Ian
Thanks for this also - I don't "think" I've tried to justify a lot of what I do to anyone - not consciously anyways
CM, I understand your position of wanting her to know where your real motivation is coming from. I am in a similar situation.
It is difficult to know what is right. It can be difficult to discern when the motivation is coming from our own selfish desires or when we are acting out of love. Ian is correct in that if we speak out of place it can be construed as arrogance. Yet we have a higher calling to uphold the truth as well(Romans 10:14).
Lean on the Lord and Him direct your steps(Pro 3:5-6). Have peace in the fact that the Lord knows your heart.
sorry 4kids, but it is also not our job to uphold the truth when we do not know what the other persons truths are.
CM's wife must face her own demons and deal with her own beliefs. CM imposing his beliefs on her is not necessary and will be seen as him imposing his beliefs on her as well as condemning her which is God's place, not CM's.
CM, I understand your position of wanting her to know where your real motivation is coming from. I am in a similar situation.
4kids, I just want to welcome you to my thred firstly and thank you for your Scriptural perspective!
I've been a stander (initially "unknowingly" though) since the day my wife left and the rebirth of my Faith has been marvellous
My wife has already filed for divorce (just to bring you up to "speed") AND has taken me to court subsequently for interim maintenance & I'm now paying her three thousand rand a month (her legal costs are included in this sum)
Essentially, we're "waiting" for a court date and then it might even be a roll of the dice to decide about the ownership of MY house and how much my wife should be compensated
The house was put in my wifes name due to business reasons, but essentially my late Mum bought the house & I put all of my inheritance money into the property to make it paid up -> my wife is CLAIMING ownership of the house as a result & my Mum is not around to say otherwise
It is difficult to know what is right. It can be difficult to discern when the motivation is coming from our own selfish desires or when we are acting out of love. Ian is correct in that if we speak out of place it can be construed as arrogance. Yet we have a higher calling to uphold the truth as well(Romans 10:14).
Lean on the Lord and Him direct your steps(Pro 3:5-6). Have peace in the fact that the Lord knows your heart.
Good Friday,
N.
I will post some more questions to you about the last few comments you made but I have to go out to my dance partners house now as her mother has kindly organised supper etc...
I've been following your thread since I came across it and saw your love for dance. My kids who were involved in dance gave me a pair of Tap shoes for Christmas about 5 years ago, and I haven't quit since. Nowhere near competition level, but it's fun and a good workout. I even took adult ballet for a year. Man, that stuff is really tough! I have a whole new appreciation for those who make it look so easy. It takes a lot of hard work. Wish I had come across it in my younger days...
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
and thank you for your Scriptural perspective!