Thanks guys, you've give me alot to think about and I apreciate it. BTW I did tell W thank you for takeing care of the overdraft.
Dom: Going back home does not seem to be an option for me at this point. Wife does not indicate any want or need for me right now so I think it's best If I be patient and let her come back to me rather than trying to move back in soo soon. Thanks for everything.
while your wife may need space; your daughter needs the opposite. She NEEDS YOU. I'd say, call her every night like you were thinking. and also, make sure you see her in real life regularly.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
I have my d4 call h everynight before she goes to sleep. It's something we did before the sep since he works nights, and we just kept it up. I think you should do the same. It's not completely going dark, but call and ask to talk to your daughter. Once you end with your daughter, hang up, don't ask to talk to your w. If your wife does get on the phone with you, be professional, and end it FIRST.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Your right Dom and I know that my D2 needs me. I am going to keep calling her every night. Right now, she spends every other weekend with and I go get her for the evening as much as I can through the week, I don't get to as much as I would like because of the long hours I work. My W tells me that I can come see/get her when ever I want. I think you guys should also know that my W and I are in mutual agreement that no matter what happens between us we will always be a part of each others lives because of our D2. That being said, we have been very nice, professional, cordial, etc... when we do talk. Matter of fact, I don't think we've argued a single time since we seperated.
Yeah... I know. Comeing from parents who who divorced when I was young I know all too well what it does to our little ones.
Just called D2 for good night time. W talked to me a good bit and (I assume) slipped her second ILY to me since we've been seperated. If she's trying to keep me confused and guessing.. She's doing a heck of a job.
My W tells me that I can come see/get her when ever I want.
that's very nice of her. wish i had the same privilege.
Quote:
I don't get to as much as I would like because of the long hours I work.
Maybe it is a good time for you to evaluate whether your actions/life, match up to your internal values.
Right now, your actions say your priorities are:
#1: your current job/income #2: time with your daughter.
If your internal values say that time with your daughter, is more important than your current job, or how much money you make... maybe it's time for you to look for a different job. Or maybe just a different position in your company, that would have shorter hours?
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Dom, My daughter and will always be #1 in my life. That's the biggest reason I am working as hard as I am. I am paying for my W to go to colledge to become a nurse so I am the sole provider for my family. I just started back at my work 1 week before S. I worked there a while back so it is not takeing me long to work my way back up the ladder. The reason I went back is because I finally have a real shot at a secure financial future for my family. In another couple of months the long hours will decrease to regular hours, but I have to pay my dues again first. Also, right now I am trying to think on the positive side that my W and I will get back together. I guess I feel that it would not be right for me to jepordize our financial well being because I've hit hard times in my life. But trust me, the minute I see that this job will continually require long hours and keeping me from my family will be the minute I start looking for other opportunities. Thanks for your input, it's always apreciated and well received.
What do you guys think about initiating R talk? Im not talking about doing it every day but if my W does not bring it up for a couple of weeks is it ok for me to ask how she's feeling or if she feels that the seperation is starting to work/help?
"asking how she feels"[in general! not about your R/marriage/...] shows caring.
asking "how's the separation going", is seriously pressuring "R talk".
PS: "In another couple of months the long hours will decrease to regular hours..."
in my opinion, "a couple of months" will be too late for you. you will miss a critical time for your family, in where both your daughter, and your wife need you, right now.
but that's just me. i dont fully know your situation, or your wife, or your daughter.
Sometimes, there's a middle road. Maybe you only THINK you have to put in all those extra hours.. but if you spoke to your boss or something, told him you were going through a difficult family time and the extra hours are difficult right now... maybe you wouldnt have to.
Last edited by Dom R; 03/14/0805:23 AM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
W and I went out to dinner last week (for the first time since our S) No R/M talk. Both seem to have had a good time. She called me three days later and out of the blue wanted to know if we could take a vacation to FL together in a couple of months. Can anyone help me understand this?..... She says she don't love me anymore and doesn't know if she can again. Still doesn't know if she wants to go to MC again. What is going on here?
