2nd Post: My H just returned for a second time

[sgctxok]

So sometimes I get really urked that I am constantly reading things that tell me to work on myself and improving me. I am not trying to be concieted, but I feel like I have done the best I can for myself allready. I know that no one is perfect, but I am very content with the life I have built for myself and the person that I am. Many people admire me and most people pity my H. WHAT ABOUT HIM WORKING ON IMPROVING HIMSELF.

Well my response to my H's texts were probably too pursuing because he has stopped sending me his crazy drunk texts.

There is a big misconception about DBing, working on yourself, MLC, GAL ... especially with respect to your relationship.



You KNOW you're already attractive and you are the best person you can be. Some folks are some are not.

One misconception, is there is nothing you can do to improve your relationship with your spouse. That DB now is all about You. It simply isn't true. Research has shown that relationships have interaction cycles....IE, we have PATTERNS OF INTERACTION. What you do is break the cycle, if something isn't working, you do something different.


Many get this impression because in her chapter on MLC Michele doesn't break out DB steps, and she says to read things on MLC.
She says that because you can still do those things and it still have a long road. She tells you to read all you can so you can have the sense that 'he's just teething'.....and not take it ALL to heart.

What you CAN work on are your patterns of interaction. Which you must intuitively be doing, because you realized your text response was too pursuing. (Although if he stopped sending you drunk texts---isn't that a good thing?)


Don't read me wrong...it may not be your fault that he leaves again after coming home. But your part in your patterns of interaction may be able to be improved....increasing the chance that he'd stay, if that's what you want him to do.



You have an opportunity here, then:

I often get afraid of not returning his calls since he gets very angry when I dont. I constantly don't know how to respond correctly to his childish games or if I should at all.

Describe how the interaction goes......he calls, you ignore. What kinds of things does he say? What do you WANT TO HAPPEN? Not big picture, little picture.

We can help with that.