Yes, it's all terrific progress. Me being able to communicate my feelings and fears with H, and H's willingness to help me through the rough times. I know he's really trying, too, and I believe that's why I'm able to talk calmly with him now. I could never do that in the past because I always felt he wasn't truly listening to what I was saying, and vice versa.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Easter was great as always! The boys and I went to my grandparents' house (about 2 hours away) along with the rest of the family. Unfortunately since production at the refinery is up and running again, H had to work, so he was unable to go with us. Oh well, hopefully next time.
Anyway, two things happening this coming Friday, and I'm not sure what to do. First thing, it's my sister's birthday on Friday, and my BIL is throwing a party for her. Friends and family in full force - Party Time!
Second, H's first softball game is also this coming Friday evening. He said he told me about it last month and that I said I would go. I honestly do not remember this, but if he says it's so, then I guess I did. Nevertheless, I would like to go to this, too.
Obviously, I cannot be in two places at once. Both begin at 7pm and are an hour apart in distance, and I can't show up to the party later on - it's being held at a restaurant, so surely it will be over within two hours.
On one hand, I want to hang out with my family and friends. It is my sister's birthday, after all! But OTOH, I want to go to H's game. Support the team and cheer him on!
When H and I talked about this on Friday, he said he really wanted me to go to his game. I said alright since he said I told him I would go to begin with. Well, Saturday he brought it up again, asking what I was going to do this coming Friday. I reminded him that I would be going to his game. He said, "No, I thought you were going to your sister's party? You should go. Besides, I might want to go out with the fellas after the game and have some beers."
Umm, ok. Does that mean I shouldn't or can't go to his game then? I didn't ask to hang out with the guys, too, did I? Not sure if this means something or not.
Then yesterday, same thing. H brought up this Friday again, wanting to know what the plans were. I said, "I really don't know. At first, I wanted to go to my sister's party, but then that changed because I decided I wanted to see you play instead. Now, I'm not sure if you even want me to go because you might want to hang out with the guys afterwards. I don't understand what you want from me."
He then had to get off the phone (he was still at work).
Ugh! Another feeling of "damned if I do, damned if I don't".
Last edited by GoingForward; 03/25/0812:05 AM.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Perhaps ask him, do you want me to come to the game and then you can go out afterwards? If he says no, his loss. If he wavers/hedges (e.g. if you want to, if it won't interfere with your plans), probably an indication he wants you there but may not be comfortable asking you. If he says yes, and you still want to then go.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I agree with Michelle, I think you should just come out and ask him...again.
He may have thought about it after Friday night and figured you could just come to the next game. He may have decided it wasn't fair to ask you to miss your sister's b'day while he went out with friends. Who knows. I would be more inclined to tell you to do what YOU would rather do than what you think he wants.
In retrospect, my suggestion was colored by my own stitch. One of my H's complaints was that family, friends, work, school, reading, etc. always came before him. He would pull this passive aggressive BS where if he mentioned something and I didn't get all excited and ask if I could go he would assume I wasn't interested or was busy with more important things.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
If only I had a clone ....Never mind - that's just too plain creepy!
Originally Posted By: MichelleLT
He would pull this passive aggressive BS where if he mentioned something and I didn't get all excited and ask if I could go he would assume I wasn't interested or was busy with more important things.
Bingo! I get the same feeling from my H. I'm not jumping for joy at the opportunity to do something with him, and I believe he takes it personally. For as long as I can remember, it's always been this way. It's not like I don't want to be with him or anything - far from it - but if I'm not all over him so to speak, he feels like I don't love him. That's so not true!
What to do, what to do?!!!
My family and my H are both equally important to me. Sometimes I feel like he wants me to choose, and I don't want to do that. I shouldn't have to feel that way. Too many times before we S'ed, I missed out on a TON of family events because H didn't want to go. H's family isn't close at all like mine is (with the exception of MIL and SIL). They're nice to be around, very courteous people, but oftentimes things feel 'fake' around them.
Anyway.
Thanks, ladies! I think I'll talk to him...again ....about Friday, see how he feels and what he thinks. I think if he does plan on going out with the guys after the game, then I'm going to my sister's party. There's always the next game.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
....Never mind - that's just too plain creepy! 
