Thanks to both of you. Hey Nik - good to hear from you. Ok - I admit, my life seems somewhat "on hold" at the moment. I want this to work out so badly. We had so many plans together. It's hard to completely let go. You're right - I'm not ready to let her go enough to move on to someone new.

During one of our recent breakups, she said, "After some of these negative feelings heal up, I may call you. It may be a week, a month, a year." I said, "A year? I'll be living with someone else by then!" She said, "If you'd be living with someone else by then you must not really be in love with me."

What do you make of that?

Also, what exactly do you mean by "give up on the old R". I think I have. I realize that IF she were to call, we'd start absolutely new. I am happy, doing things with friends & family, finishing up my graduate degree, contemplating my life, trying to lose weight (it ain't easy) etc. What more can I do?

Just Me - Thanks for your expert advice. I really appreciate it.

You say she may think I've got my act together but we have NO contact. Don't live in the same area or have mutual friends even. She would have to pick up the phone and take the first step if anything will ever happen.

I think I've come a long way lately toward thinking that I don't need her to be happy, just prefer her. Which is true. I'm happy alone. I could be happy with someone else. I just don't want to start over and we really did have amazing chemistry. And I'm still in love with her. I have a feeling she's still in love with me too and is pushing the feeling away because of the religious stuff and the fact that we argued more than she's comfortable with. (My shrink says the religious stuff is just an excuse, that when a person wants to be with someone, there will be no excuses.)

I've never mentioned this before but she is depressed & anxious by nature and takes meds for that. She was abused as a child. She has issues that she hasn't dealt with. I still love her.

Yes, I know I can't control the sexuality vs. religion issues. That's something that her background is controlling. You're right, I'm not accepting of her confusion because of what I said above (what shrink said). Also, she lived with her ex-GF for 12 years. Where was the religious stuff then?

Yes, I am happy with life when I'm not thinking about her. I am blessed - good job (not entirely happy with it but it's OK), great salary, nice home, good friends, good church, great health, etc. Yes, I am bored. Not literally because I have a thousand things to do at home. But bored in that I used to go shopping, to movies, to dinner, play tennis, watch TV, eat, etc. with the person I love and make love with and now I don't. Do ya'll understand that? So, yes, I would like to have someone to do all those things with. Yes, if I found someone I liked, I realize my feelings for her would dissipate. My shrink says the best way to get over her is to find a replacement. So your last sentence is in line with that (rose colored glasses).

I have no contact with her or any of her friends or co-workers. So I can't say that I know anything of what she's up to. The last thing I did (6 weeks ago) was drive by her house when I knew she was out of town and she had a "For Sale by Owner" sign in the front yard. Which upset me. I loved that house and even thought of buying it myself if she ever sold it. I don't even know if she's still living there. I feel pretty certain that she's dating no one. She's made it pretty clear (although she is never sure of herself for long) that she is dating NO more women because God doesn't want it! She really doesn't care for men at all. She's entertained that idea in the past 2 or 3 years and she said it was not at all comparable to being with a woman.

Thanks to you all. This is so helpful to be able to vent, write, etc. Good luck to you all. I know you all have problems of your own. God bless you & Happy Easter!