Wow, that must have been so emotionally distressing and hurtful for both of you. But, maybe it's not over yet. She didn't file, and even if she files she can pull it back.
What do you want? Would you ever file? That's a question I still struggle with. Some days I'm ready for closure and eager to move on with my new life without her. Other days I believe, or want to believe, that we can create a new marriage together. I don't have any evidence that she is interested in that, but it's what I feel. So, the rollercoaster takes many twists and turns. So, I struggle myself with not knowing what I want. I am resting in-between for now. That can't go on forever, but it has gone on longer than I thought it would. She hasn't filed; I haven't filed. We're not even talking about splitting assests, as we tentatively tried to do through email a couple of months ago. We're just not talking, period.
Your W still sounds very confused. Now, she may go through with the D even though she's confused, so be ready for that. On the other hand, she might reach a different conclusion at some point. As long as the paperwork isn't signed, time is your ally, provided that what you indeed want is a reconciliation. Every day that goes by without making the D official or moving it along is a good day for you, so long as you want to give this a shot.
So, what do you want? Easier asked than answered, I feel. We just don't run quickly away from those we love or those who have been such a part of our lives for so long. Maybe it's a slow drip of detachment, until one day we really are ready for a clean break, that one day we file even though we never thought WE would be the one to do that.
