Oh and - H and Jak - thanks!! Thinking of you both and will catch up soon. (((H))) (((JAK)))
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
"I am disappointing myself a lot because I feel like I am somehow sabotaging it. He's opening up more and I'm kind of.. I dunno.. irrationally snappy or bitchy or something. I hate it!! I say stuff and then kick myself for hours after. GRRR (at myself). I do think I over-react to nearly everything right now, though."
Yes, well, that is because you aren't expressing what you need to express, so you ARE snappy and bitchy.
"H, I have a lot of feelings to share, and because I'm not, I've been snappy and bitchy. It is probably better if I just talk to you about them. I am so happy and hopeful right now, it is wonderful. Is it OK if I unload some of the old feelings so they don't get in the way?"
As always OT, great advice...and what a warm, affirming way to say it!
NikB, I've been following your recent journey... really does sound like there's real positive changes going on, not just the little bits and scraps that we all-too-often hope are real change!
WTG NikB! I'm impressed. I like what OT says- I am curious as to what you think you aren't expressing?
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
I think OT shared a good way to communicate with H.
I do also remember that when things started to get better, those angry/bitter feelings started popping up. Because during the sitch we are set to "crisis thinking" and we have to put a wall up on those feelings temporarily in order to accomplish our primary goal.
I think for most, this is going to be a normal stage, but if we DO talk to our WAS about it, we should really give it time and think about what we want to talk about. Are all these things really necessary? or can some of these things be let go.
You do still want to choose your battles wisely. So while I think it is a good idea to have a little chat, don't unload a ridiculous amount of emotions on him. I know you won't though.
Also, do you think talking with him about it will make you feel better? What do you think you need to do to make this anger go away?
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I know you won't though.