Walk Away Fiancee

[nate75]

Please let me preface by saying I am not trying to get Amy back...I am just trying to understand what happened so I don't make the same mistake again...I want to learn...

Well...after my meltdown last month where I contacted our old roommate Annie (Amy's brother's girlfriend) when I found out about the joint checking account, I went dark with Annie. Out of the blue she contacted me yesterday because a mutual friend saw me out over the weekend. She was curious how I was doing. Over the course of our conversation I learned the following:

• Amy is seeing the guy she opened a checking account with.
• He has been recently deployed to Iraq for 6 months.
• Annie said "This is all her...she is just a different person...I don't even talk to her anymore...sad"
• Annie said "She has just changed. Nothing you did or could have done to prevent that. It was not you."
• Referring to the opinion that Amy's family has of me Annie said "No one things you did anything wrong AT ALL!! Trust me!!!....it is not a reflection on you."
• Annie said "You are a great guy and it is her loss."

So after the conversation I was a little hurt by the fact she is seeing the new guy. But after thinking about it...I am OK with it...she is not in a relationship with me anymore...she can do whatever she wants.

After speaking with Annie, I think I may have put the pieces of the puzzle together. Here is the information that I have put together to reach my conclusion:

• Amy had a troubled childhood that involved alcohol and abuse of some type.
• Amy had a troubled home life and ran away from home at the age of 16.
• Amy has low self-esteem (fake boobs).
• Amy is angry and defensive.
• Amy has no direction in life.
• Amy has a history of not maintaining friendships and relationships...no one is allowed to get to close.
• The building stress and of the wedding, responsibility of a future marriage, and idea of settling down was a trigger for Amy.
• Amy increased her social activities and "hanging out" with friends.
• Amy has increased alcohol consumption.
• Amy has made a recent series of changes for the sake of making changes.
• Amy has recently exhibited impulsive behavior in relationships with me, her family and her dogs...she is running from everything.
• Amy is seeing a guy that is 9 years younger than her.

My conclusion is that Amy is having some degree of a Midlife / Emotional Crisis. This is much more about HER than it is about ME.

Thanks for listening and all the feedback...I appreciate it!!!

Nate