Need some hope

[Hope4us]

Neecy,

I hear what you are saying. I struggled quite a while on whether to expose or not, thinking it was controlling, and that is one of my WW's big complaints about me, but I came to realize it wasn't me that was controlling by exposing, it was her that was controlling by having an affair.

IMHO, having an affair is the ultimate in control, the affairee is making decisions that affect not just their family, but the OP's as well, and as long as the affair is kept secret from the people that it affects most, it is Controlling with a capital C by not allowing those people to make decisions about their lives i.e. either to try to reconcile their marriage or file for divorce. And my exposing the affair took the control out of her hands and that's what she was/is mad about.

But I'll say again, it's a personal choice whether to expose or not. In some cases it may end the marriage where if there was no exposure the marriage may have had a chance, but for me, I got to a point where if exposure ended the marriage, it probably wasn't worth saving anyway.

Just my .02