Ok, the meeting w/ the parenting evaluator went well. We hit it off very well and although we aren't supposed to have a personal rapport, I ended up talking basketball and coaching w/ him for 5-10 minutes after we finished. I'm guessing it can't hurt my cause, can it? Oh, yeah, he's the one who started the conversation, so I guess I'm in ok boots here.
The session was about an hour. I told him I'm hoping for 50/50 joint custody and joint parenting time, but if he decided I should get more, I'd be very excited and willing to do that. I also told him if he decided I should get less, then I wouldn't like it and it would be difficult to get over emotionally for me, but I'd abide by it b/c he's the expert and the goal is to do what is in the best interest of my D.
He had me detail our recent history so I had to bring out my concerns about the OM and the A, her depression, self-injuring herself, and her talk of suicide. I let him know that I can get over the fact she's moved on to another man's bed, but I can't allow her to take my D w/ her. I let them know about the three of them going out to dinner together and staying the weekend w/ him in his apartment. I also made sure to mention OM's dumping of my W for his 22-year-old student, and he made a note of that.
By the way, I was very proud that I was able to remain calm when I discussed OM and W and I didn't get angry or act jealous. In fact, I was pretty cool and focused on the "lessons my D is learning" and did admit that the A caused me great pain, but I realize W has to want to work on our M w/ me and she doesn't right now. I think I did pretty well and kept the focus off of my feelings mostly.
I admitted yelling at W. I took full responsibility for my actions. I told him I yelled at her on the phone the day after Thanksgiving b/c I was hurt to see her A was escalating. I didn't try to blame W too much and tried to steer away from her issues unless he asked (which he did). I don't think W will take any accountability for things which should continue to help me out.
I told him I never realized how unhappy she was until she told me in August and I've been working hard ever since. I informed him of my meeting w/ my parents to go over childhood issues about abandonment and control. I made sure to let him know that I'm planning on giving him the absolute truth to any question he asks regardless of how uncomfortable it may make me feel b/c I have nothing to hide and I need to know if I'm a good dad or not. If I'm not a good dad, I need to know why and then improve. He seemed to like what I said.
All in all, I felt good when I left and actually believed that there may be some small shot at me getting more than 50%. I have a 500 question true/false test to take in the upcoming weeks and I'm heading back to see him on Tuesday. I'll keep you posted then.
